


Read Through Me

by orphan_account



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Choking, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Dominance, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Existential Crisis, Invasion of Privacy, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, M/M, Mind Control, Scrap use, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Tongue Piercings, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4455611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A curious reaction inspires Noiz to create a new mode for Usagimodoki and get to know Koujaku better.<br/>Knowledge is a double edged sword. How much do you really want to know?</p><p>Some time after Ren's good end, Noiz and Koujaku find themselves confronting problems they didn't even want to address in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>*Previous Title: Lose to Win</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unexpected detail

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, thank you for reading and I really hope you like it.

_-_-_-_-_

Noiz just pronounces the words ‘Stealth on’ and quickly one Usagimodoki goes completely mute and while spinning, from one bottom corner upwards, the animation starts: tiny squares over the bunny cube surface flip to show nothing behind, to go invisible. The animation is quick but elegant, and through a receiver in Noiz’s ear, Usagimodoki chirps <<“Stealth mode engaged, waiting for instructions!”>>

“Neat.” Noiz says to himself. The cloak is flawless and he probably can sell such a software in the black market... by a lot. Noiz feels proud of himself.

“Stealth off.” he says as he raises his hand for his cube to sit.

“P!” The cube exclaims outloud as it happily spins on top of his palm and goes visible again. A few glitches show while flipping squares. Noiz sighs.

“Guess we still need some twitching...”

“P! Stealth mode is a success!! Some fixing required in the animation! P!”

 

Noiz wanted to open a chest. But he didn't ask for the key or looked around for it either. He crafted a key of his own.

_-_-_-_

More than an year had passed since the fall of Platinum Jail, Mizuki had recovered fully and Aoba had found Ren. Koujaku resumed with his hair styling business and Mizuki with his tattoo parlor and bar. Noiz kept being cryptic and Mink whereabouts were mostly unknown.

Rhyme was definitely down, since Usui was long gone together with Sei, there no longer existed such power which could bare consciousness battling in a virtual field.

This was a great downside for Noiz, who searched a way to getting it back online, but to no avail. As a result of this, he found a hybrid way of life - just like when he first arrived to Midorijima, hacking his way around the world alone.

Concerning Tae, she volunteered to spend her time at the remains of Oval Tower, keeping things in check now that some of the technology Toue held was somewhat in public hands. But she couldn't possibly do this alone, so she joined forces with survivor scientists and a former group that had left the installations long ago. Together, they resumed research and concealed or destroyed projects that might potentially harm people, not to mention taking care, healing, tracking down and giving refuge to former human experiments. Mink played a big part in this, protecting them, identifying possible threats and disappearing often.

Returning to the Old resident District, As long as relationships are concerned, Aoba and Ren are in love and have somehow adopted Clear, who would often cook and sing for them from the roof. They live a peaceful and busy life, Aoba still works at Heibon and Ren helps at Mizuki’s bar. A steady and happy life that gave Tae the relief and freedom to keep herself busy as long as her age permits it.

Mizuki is happily engaged with his way of life, his bar increases his popularity exponentially and although Rib was returning to his glory days now that Rhyme was down, he preferred to focus more on his business instead.

Koujaku would find himself feeling alone often, even when he had all the girls he could get, he still couldn't stop regarding Aoba as his unrequited love. So, as an efficient distraction, he dedicated more time to his business, which was always prosperous.

In concern to the relationship between all of them, the gang would very often meet at Aoba’s or at Black Needle. Aoba’s on Sunday evenings and Thursday nights at Black Needle, to be more specific. A comfortable and warm routine.

Noiz had no real reason to attend to these meetings and was certain he wouldn't be missed if he decided not to show up... but after all, more often than not he found himself not having anything better to do - or at least is what he told himself. Truth is, the possibility of picking up a fight with the Old man always convinced him to show up the last minute.

Last but not least, there is someone else, silent and observant. 'Aoba's Desire', Sly Blue, was slowly being integrated and accepted. Aoba’s eyes would sometimes turn gold and his behavior would change abruptly. Sly didn't speak much but watched his surroundings attentively. Sometimes, he would stare at each one of the present people for more than a while, with unreal intensity... evaluating their reactions individually. Ren would look at him back with the same care as if he was looking at Aoba, Mizuki would grin at him, proud that he showed up more and more often, not being the reckless and violent person he remembered him to be. Koujaku, for his part, wouldn't bare the gaze for much, still not recognizing him as a part of Aoba, it would make him extremely uncomfortable in matter of seconds. Clear would act more or less the same and finally Noiz would feel weird every time he does this, but play as if he didn't give a fuck.

_-_

This time was Sunday and although they had guests, it is indeed still difficult for Aoba (Specially with Sly in his mind) to actually keep his affections down from Ren. It is awkward and stupid in equal proportions, cause the scene would always go like this: Ren would receive it and wag his tail if he had one, Koujaku would feel awkward and lonely, Aoba would then be embarrassed and fidget in his place, Ren then comfort Aoba, Mizuki laugh uncomfortably and Clear say some random remark like he always does, like how pretty the shade of red on Aoba’s face is.

 _This is bullshit_ Noiz would think and sigh while taking another portion of pizza, looking absently away. The rest would now take some pizza or a drink for themselves and happy conversation would be restored. _How predictable._

But this time things were a little different when they all met, a tiny detail foreign to their routine would change things just a bit, but not by much… at least not for the majority. Noiz had left his beanie at home... and although everyone was a little surprised at first, they just praised him and all regained normality pretty quickly. Except for one.

One that was way too fond of routine and a tiny change wasn't just a detail, it was a threat to his inner peace. Well, maybe it wasn't so dramatic, but it did unbalance him, especially now that he was finally getting used to Sly, sort of.

Anyway, Noiz found Koujaku staring at him much more often than not and that made him quite amused.

“What’s up, Grandpa?” Noiz says as he gets closer to Koujaku.

“ _Granpa!?_ Go to hell and mind yourself.”

“I would, but you keep staring at me.” he replies, cockily and matter-of-factly.

Koujaku narrows his eyes at him. “I'm not doing such a thing, conceited brat.”

“You _are._ ” Noiz scoffs.

Koujaku was tempted to answer _Am not!_ but he just swallowed it and said instead “Could you please just return to the shit hole you came from and leave me the fuck alone?”

Noiz pondered for a bit. Koujaku doesn't usually get so pissed so fast.

A devious smirk crept on Noiz's face then. “I know what’s going on...”

“I don't want to hear it. Just shut the fuck up.” Koujaku answers dismissively.

Noiz ignored him blatantly “It’s because I'm not wearing my beanie, right?... it does _things_ to you.” 

Koujaku scowls deeply and clicks his tongue in annoyance “ _Tsk._ That ugly as fuck beanie matched your rotten personality.”

“So you admit it.” Noiz strikes, already feeling like he had won.

“Oh, for fuck's sake, grow up already.” Koujaku says with a tired tone.

Noiz scowls at that. “Your comebacks are lame today.” 

“Go to hell! Just shut up!” Koujaku grew sick and tired already, fingers pressing on his forehead and lips pursed into a fine line.

Noiz continues telling his inner thought out loud. “It’s because you are so fond of your stupid little everyday routine...”

“...” Koujaku would just ignore him.

"You can't stand it."

“…” he tried really hard to just ignore him.

“One tiny change and your sad excuse of a life crumbles...”

" _what-_..." Koujaku begun to say, eyes started seeing red.

But Noiz continued his phrase, delivering the killing blow “...how _pathetic_.”

And Koujaku’s eyes _saw_ red.

He stood up and dashed to the blond before he could react and pulled him up by his stupid tie.

“You... above all... giving me speeches about _owning a life?_ Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror!?"

-

This is something natural between the two - to fight and express their mutual hatred, that is - The rest was used to it and didn't mind, but usually kept passively attentive, mainly to refrain them from breaking something, _again_.

But still, within the familiarity of their little encounters, that little detail, the disappearance of the beanie, made Koujaku lose his track in the middle of the almost rehearsed fight display - Koujaku stared a moment too long with confusion written all over his face, quickly spreading the sentiment to Noiz.

“You are not worth it, kid.” The hairdresser says defeatedly while releasing Noiz and reaching his seat again.

Noiz stays dumbfounded in place. Ironically enough, this was the first time since the little anger scene unfolded, that the rest of the gang actually went all silent at once and stared at them.

They would _at least_ expect one punch or two... even one of them storming out of the room in a raging mess. But _giving up_? Certainly not.

“Koujaku… are you alright?” Aoba asks worriedly.

“I'm fine. I'm just… tired.” Koujaku answers almost giving a yawn. Now seated, he lets out a big exhale and closes his eyes to show just how much he is tired so.

Noiz finds that extremely offensive. _What the fuck was that? Tired?_

_Bullshit._

“ _Tsk._ He’s fine, Aoba… it’s just his age showing," Noiz says while walking to stand just between the two. "probably forgot to take his meds.”

A thick vein started to prickle over Koujaku’s neck but kept silent.

“Or maybe he took too much of 'em..."  Noiz insists, with a side glance and a smirk.

He can almost able to hear Koujaku's teeth grit, but it wasn't enough. Noiz can't bare it, the asshole had the nerve to keep pretending he didn't care. So Noiz keeps on pushing it, ignoring every little thing Aoba says in order to stop him.

"...His mind playing tricks on him, the _Poor Old Man_.” he mocks disdainfully and kicks the leg of his chair.

“THAT’S IT!” Koujaku stood up abruptly, knocking the damn chair and giving him a powerful punch that Noiz wasn't able to dodge. Skilful wrath at it’s finest.

They were then immediately kicked out from the house, as usual. Things returning to normal, it would seem.

They fought for a while, every punch, every kick and dodge, set them on fire. Noiz loved it, because even though he couldn't possibly feel the pain, every cut and concussion took a toll on his body, reminding him he is alive with every pressure felt and every drop of adrenaline pumped through his veins.

He couldn't know what was on Koujaku’s mind, but something told him he wanted this too and would never admit it. _Whatever._ He didn't care if he liked it or not, he just wanted to fight.

This is the closer to Rhyme he could get, and in very few occasions it even got better than Rhyme.

This particular day it had. It had started with Koujaku being so lame but then he became so hot-blooded, Noiz could even swear he saw his tattoos glowing just a tad. It was amazing, addicting.

-

With dust all over himself and great cuts here and there, Noiz returns home, more vigorous than usual. Their fights are surely something he cherishes, gives him a silly sense of purpose, make him feel alive and sometimes, inspire him. The curiosity about what the hell made the Old Man act weirdly made him very inventive. Sure, everyone knew Noiz is some kind of genius freak, but cleverness and a sharp mind is not the only thing needed to create great things. Inspiration, motivation… is what make things actually take some shape.

Key factors that Noiz tended to lack overmuch.

But a freak is still a freak, and Noiz is the stalker kind of freak. It wasn't enough to know where he lives, works, or at what time he takes a dump. He had already investigated his past and wasn't able to find much. Only that he has Yakuza blood that was untraceable. Probably dead. There was literally nothing else about it.

But that doesn't matter, it was irrelevant. What Noiz really wanted to achieve, was to know Koujaku's intentions, what he feels, what makes him react and why. Noiz smiled to himself mischievously when the idea stroke as he idly spinned one of his Allmates on the tip of his index finger while lying in bed.

The fresh idea and motivation excited him, so he started developing his plans right away. Usagimodoki was very happy, all the little cubes hopped, skipped and jumped all over the apartment while squeaking like crazy. The only thing that was missing in the scene was to hear Noiz’s laughter and a lighting bolt outside the building. But that didn't happen, of course, Noiz never really laughed.

Noiz committed himself that he was going to know more about the Old Man, than the Old Man himself.

-

The following weeks were heaven within hell for Noiz. Sleep was becoming a very annoying issue and the motivation was slowly fading. During the restless weeks programming and studying, Noiz missed the next four meetups (which wasn't uncommon) but somehow managed to finish what he wanted before the fifth, just right before Aoba would begin to annoy him with text messages.

But he made it, a tech that would read through anyone's intentions, honesty and mood.

The first greatest challenge was to develop an invisible cloak for his Allmate, he was glad it was a compact cube, making it easier to hide. The tech used electromagnetism to distort the light and eye recognition to reconstruct and display the image at the angle at which the eyes were looking. The problem was that it spends a whole lot of battery and it would require more Sleep Mode hours, and also - sadly, - it couldn't possibly be flawless. Anyone paying enough attention could be able to point out distortions wherever Usagimodoki would lay at. But that wasn't much of a problem, Noiz concludes to himself, people didn't usually pay attention at all.

The second greatest challenge was to develop a virus with which Usagimodoki would infect other Allmates, making itself invisible even for their sensors. This took a couple of days on itself.

And lastly, although it wasn't obligatory needed, because the Allmates already have body language and hormone recognition to interact with their owners, Noiz studied extensively about these matters, greatly increasing the efficiency and depth. _Future negotiations will go so much smoother now._  

He was not only going to take advantage of such rich information, but also, he wouldn't even need to look at the target while acknowledging their intentions and desires... one of his cubes would do it for him instead. Be able to stay close and analyse the target's physical and psychological data - be able to understand and predict without anyone ever knowing - This brought great amount of benefits.

Of course all this was illegal.

"So many people would want to buy this." Noiz muses to himself. But money isn't something that concerns him right now, he still has plenty from sold information and has plenty to sell still. No, he wants this all for himself, for now at least. And as he is also a perfectionist, he likes his devices to be elegant and as good as it can possibly be, so he can't possibly bare having any possible error he could fix.

And so, the animation issue is resolved quickly enough.

 -

Thursday night comes and Noiz smiles to himself.

Stealth Mode is the key he had crafted to get into Koujaku's mind.

...and alcohol would make things even easier.

 -_-_-_-


	2. Invasion of privacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Privacy? What's privacy?  
> Noiz puts his gadget into action!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I investigated everything I wrote in this fic, but if you find something wrong or odd, let me know.

_-_-_-_

Outside Black Needle, Noiz rests against the brick wall on the alley beside the building, flicking the beanie around, biding his time before he would make his move. After making sure no one was watching, Noiz takes a cube and flicks it upward in the air at the same time he says

“Stealth on.”

Usagimodoki spins and disappears. From the earplug he just placed, he hears <<“Stealth mode engaged, waiting for instructions!”>>

“Target: Koujaku. Inform me his location and current state of mind.”

<<“Roger!”>>

Pronouncing his name felt weird and he hopes he doesn't have to do it again. After a few moments, the earplug goes off.

<<“P! Target found! Target found! Currently sitting at bar, third seat counting from right! 18% alcohol volume in beverage, effects of intoxicant fairly high due to concentration in blood. Compromising natural beha-”>>

“Yeah, I know what alcohol does. Skip.”

<<“P! Moving on! Unusual movements of hands, evidence of compulsive disorder. Chronic stress causing high levels of Cortisol and sexual hormone disbalance. Attention unfocused not due to intoxicant. Feet turned away from conversation partner. Discordance between eyes and mouth. Uneven breathing not due to disease. Interest in exit, but feet not pointed at exit. When unknown person enters the establishment, peaks of adrenaline, followed by -”>>

Noiz interrupts the readings again. “Go to Translation and Conclusion.”

<<“P! Translation: Target affected by chronic stress causes physical and psychological disbalance. Immune system compromised. Lack of confidence, irritability, lowered sexual drive. Body language show frustration, anxiety and boredom. Hiding distress by lying about sentiments to conversation partner. Seeking relief and distraction, but not reaching it. Self denial and confusion.  Conclusion: Target is in high need of exercise and proper sleep. Seeks human interaction but proper subject is not present. Waiting for someone. Doesn't reconcile such desire, incrementing anxiousness and depression. Further information needed.”>>

“Waiting for someone, huh?" he repeats outloud.

 _Could it be?_  

"Stand by, check him again when I walk in.”

<<“Roger!”>>

Noiz puts the beanie on, strides and enters Black Needle without much hesitation.

<<“Resuming analysis!! P! Eye contact! Secreting Dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin! - ”>>

 _This takes too long._  Noiz thinks to himself and rolls his eyes as Usagimodoki named all kinds of hormones and micro behaviours.

Yeah, he understands, but why would he have gone about all the trouble to make it brief and easy if he wasn't gonna use it directly. “Skip to Conclusion.” he commands.

<<“P! Target is very glad to see Noiz!! But Target doesn't reconcile such sentiments and falls into anxiousness and unease.”>>

Noiz is taken aback, so he stays by the door for a bit...

This is so much better than he expected. The Old Man had _missed_ him?

_What a masochist._

To hide his amusement, he restores to his aloof self and displays a virtual screen and keyboard... still quietly talking to Usagimodoki. “From now on, skip directly to Conclusion every time.” He orders.

<<“Warning! P! Translation and specially Conclusion Information provided are only estimates! Limited deductions by program! Does Noiz wish to proceed anyway?”>>

“Yeap.”

<<“Roger! New information acquired! P! Target frustrated, unease prone to develop into anger. Seeking consolation in alcohol, -”>>

“That I can see, inform me of interesting facts, brief and to the point, or things that I cannot deduce for myself. Spare me the warnings.”

<<“P! Accessing Noiz capabilities and preferences database. p, p, P! Configuration Complete!”>>

“Good.” Noiz then types some random stuff and switches off the virtual display. Koujaku is giving him the back and is somewhat tense. You don’t need to be a genius to know what that means.

“Let’s bother him a bit...”

 <<"P!">> 

Noiz strides calmly and sits in the stool right beside Koujaku, just between him and the woman who was endlessly talking to him. The girl is clearly offended but Noiz doesn't move an inch, of course. Koujaku sighs audibly and apologises, but doesn't move from his place all the same. Seeing this, the woman rolls her eyes and walks away, probably hoping Koujaku would follow.

But he doesn't.

<<"Relief.">> Noiz hears.

“That was extremely rude and annoying, brat!” Koujaku says after a moment.

Noiz snorts. “Sure.”

But before Koujaku could keep complaining, Mizuki appears and gives Noiz his usual. Noiz nods to him and receives a warm smile in return before resuming his bartender duties.

"Good to have you back, Noiz!" Mizuki cheers.

Apparently Koujaku wasn't the only one happy for his appearance... and judging on Mizuki’s last amused glance at Koujaku, it seems that the bartender was happy on Koujaku's behalf. Noiz can't help but think about how strange he finds that, so he follows im with the sight as he strides through the bar counter and idly wonders if he should target _him_ instead.

<<“P! Unresolved insecurities!”>>

Noiz eyes widen. _Oh?_

He looks down at his glass for a moment and takes a sip. Unresolved insecurities? Noiz doesn't get it, what is he insecure of? 

Noiz decides to proceed with the little test he had prepared for the night, then.

"Hey," he calls and waits for him to look back at him... before he takes off his beanie.

<<"P! Target likes what he sees!">>

Koujaku looks away. Noiz has a big mischievous grin plastered on his face.

“So,” Noiz leans closer to the man who was still looking away “ _Missed me?_ ”

“Of course not you arrogant brat!” Koujaku answered irritated while turning quickly to face him, only to encounter very intense lime green mere centimetres away.

“GAH!!” Koujaku yells and pushes himself away, almost falling.

“What’s wrong with you, you creepy kid!?”

“I'm not a kid.” Noiz scowls, making his smirk fade in annoyance.

“Teenager, it's all the same.” Koujaku retorts.

“I'm not longer that, either.”

Koujaku looks at his face for more than just a second. In Noiz ears, Usagimodoki chirps curiosity and a little apprehension.

“What? Forgot that a whole year has passed? I'm already 20.” Noiz says as he runs his fingers through his uncovered hair, cocking his head a little to the side and half closing his eyes. “Is that still too young for you?” he asks with a deep suggestive voice. Noiz is using his previously learnt flirting knowledge - and the effort is heavily rewarded the moment his little Allmate spoke <<‘beginning of arousal’>> in his ear.

“W-What? No! I mean, yes. - ” Koujaku stammers a bit and decides not to even try to go there. “You still shouldn't be drinking yet! What’s that stupid green stuff anyway?” he continues, trying to fill in his uncertainty, nervously commenting on the first thing he sees.

Noiz loves this.

“Dunno. I like it. Wanna try?” he says as he takes the tall glass and bites the straw before taking a sip. He then leans closer again and offers the straw to him.

<<‘P! Testosterone rising, restoring welfare and increasing libido. Conflicted feelings still.’>>

Noiz’s smirk widens but as all the information sinks in, he unconsciously starts to get nervous too. All this certainly wasn't something he was expecting to happen, to be honest. Did the old man really want sex with him? Was it always or just now? Is it the beanie?… could it be… that he has a thing for his hair? _Stupid horny hairdresser fetishist._

The thought annoyed Noiz a lot for some reason, especially after hearing Koujaku’s refusal of his drink offer.

“What’s up? Too old to try new things? Don’t think you weak old heart can stand it?” he spats.

Koujaku is dumbfounded. He stands up abruptly, with a palm slamming the bar stand.

“What the fuck is wrong with you today!?" he asks, genuinely confused.

Noiz takes the chance to look properly at the ladiesman, there was no wonder they liked him so much - extremely good looking, successful, passionate, awesome body, probably very well equipped, he loved to take care of hair… _what’s the deal with that anyway._

“Don’t stand up so suddenly, you’ll break your hip.” Noiz says, looking to the side, still pissed off.

"I'm getting so fucking sick of your moronic comments!” Koujaku replies then, fist almost trembling.

Noiz clicks his tongue. “Don’t get mad at me because you can’t stand the truth, Old man.”

Koujaku hands were fully trembling from the strength at which he was gripping now.

“ _Tche_. Can’t stand the _truth!?_ \--- Look who’s  _TALKING!_  The stupid little child that hides behind a rebel façade, not accepting the fact that he is _indeed_ , still an immature silly boy who seeks for mommy's and daddy’s attention!!”

Blood rushes through Noiz veins like tidal waves, anger hitting like a storm, flourishing to his whole body and gripping his chest. That one hit home hard. He can’t remember the last time he felt something like that, he thought that such thing couldn't even happen to him. _This--_

Usagimodoki interrupts his thoughts. <<P! Target starting to show signs of worry and guilt.>> <<Anger subsiding, entering into remorseful attitude!>>

Hearing that, Noiz stands up before Koujaku could do or say anything. “Don’t you _dare_ apologize!” he venomously says while grabbing his kimono with a trembling hand. The taller man looks at him dumbstruck... Noiz's hands never tremble.

“Don’t you _DARE_ take this from me!” the threats continue... but even if Koujaku could not even begin to try to understand, he automatically pushes Noiz back away from him, making him stumble against the stool. Noiz charges and gives Koujaku a heavy blow in the gut.

“WOAH WOAH!” Mizuki interrupts, grabbing Noiz from behind and Ren grabbing Koujaku. Always just on time.

“Outside you two. Come on.”

 -

Once outside, Mizuki clasps his hands together like cleaning dust from them, sighs dramatically and returns to the bar, bringing along a silent but alert Ren.

Koujaku takes just a second to retrieve the blow, punching him right in the gut just like he did and pushing all the air out of his lungs. “Are you happy now, Beansprout!?” Koujaku yells frustrated.

<<‘P! attempt to restrain himself from fighting, concealing real desires to resume-’>>

“ _Tsk._ As happy as you are, Old Man.” Noiz answers while grabbing him by the collar, looking intensely at his face.

Koujaku’s eye twitches at that, not knowing what he means. His long dark hair is dishevelled, revealing those incredible crimson eyes and the beginning of the tattoo that travelled through the right side of his body. Noiz stares at him and the idea of wanting to brush his tongue along the line of his chiselled jaw and bite into those gorgeous patterns stroke like lightning, blinding his mind for just a sec. In that second, Koujaku grabs him in return with a very menacing glare and takes advantage of his slow response to drag and push him against the cold wall beside Mizuki’s bar.

“Stop. it.” he warns.

But Noiz is not nearly about done, he pushes back and throws a punch into the older man’s face, earning a low grunt.

“Why don’t you just admit you want this?” Noiz spats suddenly.

A foot over his torso pushes Noiz against the wall once again, followed by a punch in the cheekbone and a forearm across his throat. Noiz coughs a bit by the pressure as he tries to work off Koujaku’s grip by hitting him with the knee and trying to free himself by pulling at the forearm that chocked him. But the older man doesn't fall for it, he bares with the blows and presses further into his throat completely overpowering him.

“You are the one who likes this shit, sick brat!” 

“Ah I- Never… _cough_ … denied it.” Noiz manages to say. He can feel Koujaku's wrath, so raw and passionate.

But then the grip loosens... and the very idea of Koujaku trying to stop again infuriates him. So as Noiz is about to continue provoking him and anger him again, the forearm is replaced by a hand high up his throat, pulling his jaw upwards and crushing his skull against the wall. In this position, Koujaku shows off his superior height and looks down at him.

“Why the fuck don’t you go pick a fight with someone else?” he hisses.

“Because… I like fighting with _you_ , Old man.” Noiz answers with a broken voice.

"Why!?"

As Koujaku stays still like that, waiting for an answer, Noiz is suddenly aware of how close his face is to his. They can share their breaths and smell the scent of it. 

<<‘P! Arousal! Self denial!’>>

Noiz coughs again as he smiles and then releases his hands that counteracted Koujaku’s force against his jaw. He takes a hold of the taller man’s waist and pull him even closer, nails digging into his back. Koujaku gasps, eyes very dark. The pressure in his throat increases without the restraint, but Noiz continues pulling him closer nonetheless.

“... you... like this too.” Noiz smiles suggestively and his eyes flutter due to the poor blood circulation to his head. 

But his reaction wasn’t the one he hoped for. Instead, Koujaku couldn’t stand it.

“What the hell are you saying?!” he yells, freeing him abruptly and pushing himself away. He contemplates the possibility with great distaste.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Koujaku tries to calm himself down.

<<‘P! self doubt, fear, embarrassment, lyi-’>>

“Stop saying nonse-!”

“Yes, yes. I can see that. Add to capabilities.” Noiz interrupts both while pressing the receiver in his ear. Noiz catches his breath, feeling very tired all of a sudden.

“Who on earth are you talking to?!” Koujaku grabs him by the face and turns it to the side roughly to finally spot the tiny earplug attached to him.

“What the hell is this? What are you up to!?” he yells while almost ripping it off.

 _How bothersome._   _I should have made that invisible too._ Noiz thinks to himself as he lets out a heavy sigh.

“I was talking to my AllMate. Where’s yours? Sleep mode at home? You should go to sleep too, Grandpa.”  he says while popping his neck, alleviating the pressure. 

Noiz straightens up and about to snatch the tiny piece from Koujaku's fingers when a crazy idea crosses his mind and gets the better of him. 

“You can hold on to that.” Noiz says as he reaches for his pocket and puts another earplug on. The older man is visibly annoyed by his stupid shenanigans and is about to crash the tiny piece between his fingers when Noiz takes his wrist and stops him from doing so.

“What are yo--”

Noiz interrupts him yet again as well as his Allmate yelling <<Danger!>> in his ear.

“Stealth off. New user: Koujaku. Conclusions only, analyze preferences and capabilities. Spare me the warnings.”

“You've GOT to stop speaking on top of me. Wait, _what?_ Did you just say my _name_? And where did this cube came from??” he asks as he shakes off the bunny cube away from his forearm but it swiftly hops and sits on his shoulder.

Noiz releases him.

“Try it out. Put it on.”

“What kind of trickery is this?” Koujaku asks, really suspicious.

Noiz just sighs with a bored expression.

“I'm lending you my Allmate. So, when you stop cowering about, put that on, speak ‘Stealth on’ and tell the name of the one you want to hear about and is close by.” Of course the last thing was a lie, but he didn't want the Old man targeting him just yet.

Koujaku narrows his eyes at him.

“Just experiment with it.” Noiz shrugs disinterested, hands in pockets, as he starts walking away. He doesn’t know if what’ll come up from this, but the night was already weird as it was, so what the hell. He would just copy the mod data to other cube later. He was already exhausted... to many things happened. His little program was really giving some results.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Koujaku says loudly as he sees him striding away.

“Home.”

And it’s true, he has some tweaking to do now that he had made such decision before he could rest.

_-_

Koujaku is tempted to stop him and throw his shit back, but curiosity got the better of him, so he just puts the stupid thing on and get it over with.

But it wasn't something one could simply get over with. After saying ‘Stealth on’ and the friggin cube spinned like crazy and went invisible, he didn't know what kind of instructions the stupid bunny wanted.

But then he quickly remembered…

_'...tell the name of the one you want to hear about and is close by.'_

And the brat had already turned the corner. So hear about who?

 “Hmph. Ok, let’s go inside.”

<<“P! Invalid Instruction! Name a target!”>>

“ _Tsk._ Just go target Aoba or something.”

<<"Roger!">>

Koujaku gets inside the bar and quickly and rather exasperatedly changes the target the moment he sees Aoba and Ren dancing really intimately... and heard about things he preferred to be ignorant about.

So it was an intention reader of some sort.

It should infuriate him to no end, to know for a fact that the brat had been spying on his vitals and all - but here he is, after debating it for a bit in his head, he ends up spending the rest of the night changing to different targets and forgetting all about privacy and simple decency. It’s addictive... and it quickly adds up as second nature. It was crazy. He passes the rest of the night snorting on his drink, trying to repress his laugh like an idiot, disgusted or mad at some readings and also paranoid anyone would discover him.

Mizuki was already weirded out from the moment he saw him step in, so after checking the smell of the _sake_ he had been serving him and see it was alright, he asks Ren to take charge for a while while he took Koujaku home all the same.

-

Once they arrive, Mizuki still makes sure Koujaku gets to his bed, even if Koujaku told him countless times he was fine.

Koujaku notices that even though he didn't like the situation, Mizuki didn't resent having to take him all the way home to later return to his bar the tiniest bit. Mizuki just wants to make sure he arrived safely.

With every action, Usagimodoki would read all about him.

“I really care for you too Mizuki, thank you for all this.” Koujaku presses his hand on the redhead’s shoulder, affectionately clutching it. Mizuki laughs it off.

“Get some sleep. You are drunk.”

“No, that’s not it. All this years you've been baring with me. Thank you.”

“My god, what happened to you and Noiz out there?” Mizuki asks, still laughing.

But Koujaku didn't quite like that comment. “Nothing happened with that ridiculous brat.” he says with a deep scowl. Usagimodoki reads concern and suspicion. “We would all be better off if he just didn't show up anymore. I can’t stand him.” he insists, but Mizuki doesn't eat any of it. “Really!” he tries to convince him, but even more concern is heard. “Mizuki…!”

“ _Sigh_. It’s Ok, Koujaku, shut up. You are such an airhead. Get some sleep.”

“Oi! What do you mean airhead?”

But Mizuki refuses to answer “Get. some. sleep.” is the last thing he says before he leaves. Usagimodoki reveals that Mizuki was a little pissed off.

“ _Tche._  Stealth mod off.”

“P!” Usagimodoki chirps as he goes visible again and hops on top of the bed.

It was so strange the brat had given this to him. _Why would he?_

Koujaku then bares his feet and lies properly in his bed, covering himself with the sheets, exhaustion and a little dizziness suddenly taking a toll on him. He takes a quick shower before going to bed for a well desired sleep.

Usagimodoki rolls beside him calmly, from one side to the other just as he gets under the sheets.

“Um, Sleep Mode.” Koujaku says uncertain on how he should treat it.

“Roger!” it answers and quickly goes to snuggle beside him, covering exactly half of his body with the sheets. 

Koujaku furrows his brows and covers his mouth as he watches it.

_It’s so darn cute._

But why would the brat choose _cute_ and _bunny_ as attributes for an Allmate? ans aren't Allmates supposed to go according to their owner's personality?

He gazes at his own companion - Beni is in Sleep Mode on top of the bed head. Beni is irritable and loud at anything he finds shady.

Thinking of it, he certainly won't like this once he turns on the alarm tomorrow.

“Uh, Ok, wake up.” he whispers to the little cube while poking it from the side until it made the soft sound indicating it was awake “I'm afraid you have to remain invisible until Beni hears about all this.”

“P…! Not enough battery! Must charge! Must charge!” Usagimodoki cries.

“Oh well, just hide somewhere and sleep until I say so. ”

“P!” the little cube chirps and quickly goes under his pillow.

“Uh… hide elsewhere.”

“Pillow is nice! P!” his high pitched voice is muffled but he can hear it clearly, since it was mere centimetres from him. 

_How spoiled can it be?_

"You shouldn't even be on my bed!"

But hearing it's low lament quickly made Koujaku soften.

"... you can go under the other one." he concedes and the little cube rolls happily from under one pillow to the other. Koujaku takes a few moments to speak again. “...Ok. Sleep tight, I guess...” he says as he is finally able to rest his head.

“Roger!”

He smiles a bit at the cute sound of relief the bunny cube uttered before engaging Sleep Mode. _That's a curious behaviour election._ Koujaku can’t help but imagine Noiz sleeping quietly with a bunch of these around him.

It makes him grimace.

_Ugh, I must be drunk after all._

-_-_-_-


	3. Sharp Edges I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things evolve so much faster when you have the right (or wrong) information.

_-_-_-_

Koujaku and Noiz don’t see each other for a while. Well, Noiz does, from the commodity of his own apartment… and he is highly amused to watch his reactions while interacting with his clientèle as well as his fellow ribsters and about anyone around him. The Old Man was clearly making good use of his gadget. Knowledge is power, and along with laugh and amusement, it also brought disappointments and disdain.

He was particularly affected when he read Aoba, but since he couldn't read his own reactions, probably the Old man would just continue to deny his feelings as always. Noiz rolls his eyes.

And so by the time they all meet up again, at Aoba’s, Koujaku had a different glint in his eyes - one of more wisdom. Never in all his years would he have imagined he would learn so much about the world _in such short time_. It was confusing to say the least. Sometimes he couldn't know if he liked it or hated it. 

But here he was, earplug still on, sitting in a chair while everyone else was watching some new video game trailer Aoba was showing. They _did_ ask him if he was all right, feeling him different, but Koujaku managed to convince everyone everything was normal and sat on the table while the others were on the couch.

Before Noiz arrived, Koujaku was already prepared. He had asked Noiz’s Allmate to notify and read Noiz as soon as he stepped outside the door. Even if he still didn't figure out he could read someone independent of how far away the target is, it was something.

Mild excitement and expectation were the first things he heard as soon as an invisible bunny made it's way to Noiz. Koujaku was nervous, in all this time Noiz was indecipherable for everyone and, to be honest, a little scary sometimes.

He is anxious to know.

“Noiz, come in! Nice to see your head uncovered again!” Aoba cheers, opening the door to let him in. Noiz nods as usual and acts like nothing was happening. He had setted to himself that he would always be one step further from the Old Man, so he had one of his Usagimodoki invisible around him, reading him as well, from a long time ago.

Koujaku kinda expected the mischievous smile that was directed his way and for Noiz to sit opposite to him - but what he didn't quite expect was to him to keep completely silent.

He wanted to be read, he was challenging him.

But something was odd.

 _Really_ odd.

Usagimodoki read hidden self doubt and fear in Noiz, something he wouldn't have guessed, something that didn't show in his face _at all_. It disconcerted Koujaku deeply and, different from Noiz, it did show on _his_ face instead, so, in consequence to his own reaction, Noiz displayed surprise and concern.

So the silent conversation begun.

The readings were disturbing and riddle-like, didn't make any sense. They needed to know more about the other, to actually talk, in order to have some sense. The mod couldn't read thoughts. But none of them wanted to give in, taking it as a challenge on it's own.

However, soon enough, both were getting really tired of it. Specially Noiz, that blamed himself for not being anticipatory to this kind of situation.

So Noiz decided to act, his beanie was already gone so he took his top shirt off, revealing his bottom shirt, black, long sleeved and skin tight.

Noiz is lean and the black tight fabric accentuates his frame. His top shirt, as long as his dreadful beanie, have lots of details and accessories that stood out for themselves, so when just plain fabric is revealed, it made his piercings stand out instead. His sharp features are highlighted thanks to the metal pieces... and to Koujaku's surprise, they are more aesthetically pleasant than he would have first imagined them to be.

_He looks good._

The cubes went off at the same time, they chirped interest, arousal, anxiousness, restraint that leads to stress, flee or fight impulse, challenge, self doubt, vulnerability, bonding… _Bonding?_ What the hell.

Koujaku stands up suddenly. This was way too much. “Sorry Aoba, I have to go.” he says loudly.

-

For the rest of the group - who had all been silently observing them the moment Mizuki pointed at them while posing another finger across his lips - this had been _by far_ the weirdest kind of display they have ever witnessed coming from them: At first Noiz was being his usual, wielding the cocky smile that is always meant to rile Koujaku up in some kind of fight, but then his face changed to be pretty disoriented, then he started knocking his fingers against the table, sometimes he kicked the table’s legs, scowling at his rival with pursed lips... sometimes looked away, irritated or frustrated. And as for Koujaku, he started by staring at Noiz like he had three heads, then made all kinds of movements, pinched his nose, looked confused, brushed his hair, grabbed the table by the edges or slammed it... sometimes let out sharp breaths, annoyed... and sometimes he looked utterly lost.

That was until Noiz took off his top shirt. Both had stopped their movements altogether, stared at each other for a long time with mixed expressions... and that’s when Koujaku lost it.

The group just look at themselves puzzled before they react.

 

“Wait! Koujaku! Stop both of you!” Aoba tries to stop them, but Koujaku was already one step out and Noiz left behind him, not giving a fuck and slamming the door shut and then immediately hear some stumbles against it.

Mizuki and Aoba snort, while Ren and Clear look really lost.

They let them be.

_

Outside, Noiz grasps Koujaku by the arm and pins him against the closed door, framing him between both arms, preventing him from leaving.

Koujaku breathes heavily, pupils dilated, but still pushes back, not accepting the situation.

But Noiz insists, pressing his shoulders. Koujaku doesn't react, he keeps silent; the desire to listen and know about his real intentions right now refrain the usual reaction he would have had: to yell at the younger man, punch him in the face or push him away and getting the fuck out of there.

Noiz can feel Koujaku’s eyes travelling along his face, as if he was seeing him for the first time. He didn't like the expression he was making. It pissed him off. And on top of all, his Allmate was doing some weird readings. What the fuck is all this worry and care shit? This is anger and lust. Natural needs.

“1st and 2nd devices, Stealth off and stand aside.”

Koujaku is perplexed at the sudden change, world suddenly going silent. It brought him back to earth in less than a second, but within that short gap of time, Noiz had his whole body against him and without a word he pressed their lips together.

Entering a state of shock, Koujaku grabs hold of golden strands and pulls harshly away. Noiz’s eyes are already darkened and blood rushing with adrenaline, not to mention he is able to feel some pressure in his scalp and he wants more.

So he asks for it.

Koujaku couldn't help but drown in the sexy expression the younger man made when he complied, completely forgetting his train of thought and doing what he had been wanting, to bury his hands in that stupid precious blond hair and pull. This wasn't making any sense, but all his body screams that it feels good, it feels right, so Koujaku gives in to lust and kisses back, roughly, desperately, so much so, that he actually makes Noiz's lip split and bleed when he bit on them.

But as soon as the coppery taste embraces his tongue, it wakes him up just enough to be able to notice something really odd - Noiz doesn't physically react to it. He doesn't react to the marks he was already leaving with his nails. Marks that _must_ hurt. He doesn't look like he is in pain but he doesn't rejoice either, so it's not because he is a masochist. It looks like he doesn't even notice. Thinking about it, _wasn't it always like this?_

The realization makes him stop on his tracks and be able to think again, making him remember what Usagimodoki had read minutes ago. He tries to quickly set his mind in order, but it's not easy. After a moment of complete inaction, Noiz tries to keep the heat going, only to be stopped.

Noiz soon starts getting seriously pissed off and starts struggling against the grip, already fed up of waiting for the Old Man's seizure to end. But Koujaku keeps him in place by cupping his face between his hands, harshly digging his nails at the birth of his scalp behind his ears, bruising him again. That should hurt. But Noiz just closes his eyes for a second.

His expression is not of pleasure, but _longing_.

It hits him.

And the hit paralyses Koujaku completely.

He doesn't need Usagimodoki to spell it out for him.

Seeing Koujaku's face show perplexion and some kind of worry again, Noiz loses whatever was left of his patience. "Get off." he spats in a groan, managing to snatch his hands away from his face. But Koujaku quickly grabs him by the wrists, overpowering him again against the doorframe, not without some struggle. 

He doesn't understand Koujaku’s intentions right now, if he wanted to fight or fuck or run away he should just do it and get over with it.

Restraining him like this and not doing anything is complete horseshit.

“Get the fuck off, Old Man!!”

But Koujaku stays silent some more, biting down on his own lower lip.

“Are you having a seizure or some shit!? Get the fuck off!” Noiz insists, getting desperate to be freed.

But the grip only gets tighter and Noiz wonders if his wrists were gonna turn blue later. “For fucks sake-!!”

"Noiz!!" Koujaku shouts loudly then, making him stop altogether in shock. 

Noiz effectively stops struggling, a little baffled. Why is he looking at him like that? What the fuck is so bothered about?

“You… _can’t feel_ … ”

 

-_-_-_-


	4. Sharp Edges II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't ignore the Noiz.

__-_-_-__

_“You… can’t feel… ”_

 

His tone was sad and pitiful. Noiz eyes open wide at the words and Koujaku hears him gasp - but immediately after, Noiz looked upwards -

Koujaku realizes the noise didn't come from the blond’s mouth, but from Aoba’s balcony. It was Aoba's gasp.

Koujaku abruptly releases the younger man and confronts the shadows, especially one particular blue haired one that was a little bit too slow to get inside and not get busted.

“A-Aoba? What the hell-?” Koujaku questions, not quite finding his words.

Noiz just hangs there for a bit, arms weakly relaxing at his sides as he was left hanging.

Aoba grimaces.

“Fu-fuck… Well, you were making a lot of noise, you know!? (I thought you were making out...)” The last thing was said in a whisper but Koujaku caught it.  
  
“What? Like that would ever happen."

Noiz scowls at this. Really hard.

One moment ago, he was unable to get off, and now... Koujaku takes no notice of him - he continues arguing with Aoba. "That’s not even an excuse, Aoba-! You shouldn't spy on people -!” As he speaks and speaks, Noiz's anger keeps growing.

“Hey, this place is my house, you know?! And you were constantly knocking at my door! Sheesh...!” Aoba retorts.

Koujaku was rendered speechless for a while as Noiz was just an spectator all this time.

Koujaku finally finds his words again.

“Yeah, well, that’s true... I’m sorry...” he says, with a genuine apologetic tone.

Noiz clicks his tongue at the stupid display and looks away as if that could actually make him less disgusted. It doesn't work. His scowl gets even deeper as they keep on bantering around. He spits some blood on the floor, making sure to make it loud. But he is still being ignored.

_Fuck all of you._

Noiz's right hand is compressed into a really tight fist now and without further ado, he dashes to Koujaku, punching him directly in the gut with all of his might. He was currently with his guard down, so when it hits, the blow steals all of Koujaku's air and bruises him internally - giving Noiz the chance to snatch the earplug from his ear at the time he contorts from the pain.

“Yeah. I was born a freak.” He disdainfully says in his ear before he kicks him in the thigh in a special spot, paralysing it and making him cry out. He swears he could see the tattoos go red for sure this time.

They had never seen Noiz fight this dirty before.

“NOIZ! STOP! - KOUJAKU!” Aoba yells the second he sees his friend in such a state and heads down immediately after.  
  
Noiz takes the chance nonetheless and leaves. He can hear Koujaku curse at him at the top of his lungs, calling him all kind of names.

But they don’t call _after_ him. No one ever calls after him. He was just _‘Stop’_ or _‘Don’t’_ or some random insult. He was rarely ‘Why’ or ‘How’. Such things didn't matter after all, they never did. That's how things worked for him.

_-_

“This is ridiculous.” Noiz talks to himself exasperatedly while checking the code for his Allmate time and time again. Every piece of information was in order, every source verified. He listens again to the first device’s recordings, what his Allmate had read about _himself_. It was pictured of him as if he was some incredibly insecure and jealous little shit, with inner conflict all the fucking time, pleading for Koujaku to get closer and accept him. Of course the Old man would be acting fucking weird.

He listened Koujaku’s readings again. Hate, anger, arousal? Yeah, that’s OK. But Bonding, attachment? ... Regret?... _Pity?_

Fuck no.

He had already seen pity in the eyes of his brother all those years ago, but that was because Theo didn't know any better. He had promised to himself no one would ever feel pity for him again - there is no place for that, he fought for a place in the world without anyone’s help - pity wasn't something he could tolerate coming from anyone... _specially_ from the Old man.

His chest was tight. _Bullshit_. He had already passed through this, he already knew he was born deficient. _Bullshit, bullshit._  He had already cried countless times in that forsaken room where his parents had held him.

 _Fuck_. He shouldn't be wanting what he never had in the first place, something it was denied for him the moment he was conceived.

He was unwanted, so he was staying the fuck away from everybody. It was really that simple - interaction with people would gain very specific purposes: money, sex or information. Those were the _only_ things he could and would ever take from people.  


But then he realizes... he wasn't living by it.

He had completely deceived himself. He had betrayed himself... Spending all those evenings at Aoba’s... drinking up at Mizuki’s bar... spending time with them time and time again… _Why? for what?_ He didn't get shit from it... How could he have failed _so_  fucking much? He already knew he could never belong, so how could have he been so idiotic? _so blind?_

 -

His delivery pizza arrives, the familiar ring interrupting his thoughts but not his anger.

He pays him and slams the door shut in his face. He can hear a vague ‘asshole’ coming from behind the door and steps faintly leaving.

Now _that_ was a natural behaviour towards him.  _What the fuck does it matter how or why I do what I do?_   --  _It doesn't. The Old man was just being fake by showing any glimpse of being bothered at all._

"Fucking hypocrite." Noiz mutters to himself outloud.

He is no longer in the mood for eating. _What a waste of time._

He opens up a virtual screen and keyboard - he would now post his Stealth mod online in the deep web, sell it to the highest bidder and just forget all about this once and for all.

But then again... he had already plenty of money he didn't even spend, there was actually no fucking point in doing so.

An it exasperates him.

He grabs his head and tugs at his hair, semi accidentally repeating and reminiscing the pressure he could feel when Koujaku had done it to him.

_Probably the geezer wished he could do it to Aoba._

Noiz clicks his tongue. _Maybe if I let my hair grow and dyed it blue would lead Koujaku to finally fuck me and get it over with._

He grits his teeth and continues to pull harshly. He can’t stop remembering Koujaku’s stupid face. He digs his nails in his scalp while shaking his head to the sides but the images won’t stop flowing.

He looks at his hands, he has blood in his nails. It angers him even more. He is so tired of this.

_Maybe if I just kept on fighting dirty, mention his deceased parents or how ridiculous his unrequited love to Aoba is - something, anything - it would anger him enough to just kill me and set the world fucking free of my hindrance._

_FUCK, I should have never been_ born _in the first place._

Noiz kicks the living room table, tumbling it together with the untouched pizza he had left on top of it. He then curses at the top of his lungs - digging his nails on his own chest, wounding himself deeply.

Usagimodoki cries lowly on top of the couch and Noiz just gets them all on sleep mode in a yell.

He breathes sharp and hoarse and his eyes turn blurry.

 

He doesn't realize tears run down his cheeks until he sees them falling to the floor and onto his bloodied palms.

 -_-_-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will focus on Koujaku's aftermath.


	5. Slyced I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koujaku's aftermath from the troubled event.

_-_-_-_

Koujaku is furious, he wasn't able to walk right and his gut hurt like hell. The brat had crossed the line by getting him with his guard down, there was no reason why he would do that. _Fucking asshole blond freak._ _All the blonds he met are assholes._ “I fucking hate blonds.”

“Heeeey… I'm talking to you...” Aoba waves a hand in front of his face with a worried face. Koujaku and Aoba were alone in the bathroom and Aoba was just finishing treating his wounds when he spotted Koujaku's rabious face mumbling furiously.

Koujaku calms down “I'm sorry, Aoba...” 

It makes Aoba sigh.

“You don’t get it, don’t you?” Aoba replies, voice suddenly very stern and aggressive. It makes the older man quickly look at him, just to find Aoba's Desire returning the look. “ _Tsk._ Aoba didn't get it at first, either.” he says, pursing his lips.

Koujaku is a little taken aback

“Get... what?”

The golden eyed clicks on his tongue.

“Oh, so you are not even trying to guess. You are so fucking USELESS - WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THIN-

- _PLEASE!!_ ” he suddenly begs to himself, Aoba interrupting Sly as he closes his eyes very tight. When he opens them, they are hazel again.

Koujaku doesn't know how to react.

After a second, Aoba slowly gets closer and feathery touches Koujaku’s arm, soft and reassuring.

“Ok, listen. I couldn't see it at first either, you know, but it isn't really difficult to come up with it…” He pauses “- Why do you _really_ think Noiz reacted like that?”

Koujaku doesn't know what to say, he doesn't think ge can possibly know. There is so much he doesn't know about Noiz. He could even say he hardly knew _anything._

... But well, to be fair, he had seen a glimpse. More than a glimpse perhaps... specially with the Stealth Mode. And on top of that, now he knew he wasn't able to feel pain - scratch that, he probably wasn't able to _feel_ whatsoever.

Koujaku starts getting the pieces together. All the hate, the fights, the loneliness… Noiz must've been fighting against his condition, not being able to understand things so _basic_... world probably pushing him away because of this.

He _had_ realized this the moment he had confronted Noiz about it, he _knew_ he was vulnerable at the time. Koujaku realizes he had erased it all from his mind the moment Aoba appeared.

Noiz had gotten mad because he had left him hanging after breaking a barrier within him, that's why. It was like crashing a demolition ball into a wall just once and call it a day.

Koujaku feels awful.

“Shit. I’m...”

“Shut up." Sly interrupts him. "Now, why do you think _you_ reacted like that? Hm? What the hell was that - getting all the blonds in the same bag nonsense?!  How _dare_ you put him in the same bag as Ryuuhou?!” Sly attacks him, making Koujaku cringe.

Koujaku can’t help but feel every hair of his body stand on end at the pronunciation of that name and making him shake. “Fuck, I’m sorry… I...”

“Stop it! Stop apologizing to us! You don’t owe us anything. Just stop being so self centred! In any case, go apologize to _him._ ”

Light brown eyes come back to him again.

“It's OK, Koujaku, we don't mean to be so harsh on you, really… Sly can be very impulsive with the things he says sometimes... " Aoba coos, hugging him. "-- But it _is_ frustrating, you know?... we already destroyed it, Ryuuhou's doing… but you are feeding it by your own will.” Aoba says as he lets go of him. He speaks vaguely, as if hurt, and it distresses Koujaku to no end. “You are being selfish and that causes all sorts of trouble…” he continues softly, with a weak smile.

Koujaku feels like shit. It was better if Sly had said that, not Aoba. He couldn't possibly deny what he says.

The blue head hugs him tight. “Everything's gonna be alright, we are here for you, okay? Please do your best. Make this right.”

Koujaku doesn't speak for a second but gets to say a faint “Yeah...” before he manages to relax in Aoba's embrace.

Both Aobas release him and they leave the bathroom, reuniting with everyone else. Clear prepares some tea and Aoba tries to make everyone relax - not make a big deal out of it - but no one falls for it. Assuming his defeat, Aoba signals Ren that he would tell him all about it later, calming _Ren_ down a bit, at least.

A while passes and is already about time Koujaku and Mizuki headed home already... so when Mizuki offers to walk Koujaku home, a particular glare from across the table made the oldest man know he couldn't possibly refuse.

"Sure." Koujaku agrees defeatedly.

Without further ado, they head out. Mizuki would later go to his own place and Clear would stay with Aoba and Ren like he usually did.

Tomorrow Granny would receive a call.

-

The walk home was almost completely silent. Koujaku could tell without the help of a high pitched voice in his ear that Muzuki was very wary and concerned. Still, Koujaku missed it, the little squeaky voice... and all the knowledge it could bring.

Their steps echo through the empty streets as they walk side to side - it was already dark and there's no wind. His home It's quite close by so it won't take to long to arrive.

Once they one block away and Koujaku didn't say anything still, Mizuki sighs dramatically and tries to make it as a conversation opener, but Koujaku tries to ignore it.

“Gee... look,” Mizuki begins to talk nonetheless, stopping altogether. “ I don’t really know what the hell happened in particular - But what I _do_ know, for quite some time now, is about your weird dance between you, Noiz and Aoba. Specially you and Noiz. You are both idiots.”

Koujaku closes his eyes for a bit, as if the words were heavy on his eyelids. To be honest, Koujaku just wants to sleep it over and forget.

“Your past is clouding your future.” Mizuki continues.

Koujaku just wants to tell him they'd talk some other day and get home and lock the door - but he patiently decides to hear him out, his words were pungent. “What do you mean?” he asks.

“You know what I mean… you put Aoba ahead of everything like he was some higher being and as a result, you constantly deny your growing feelings towards Noiz.”

Koujaku purses his lips, he wants to get mad, he wants to feel offended. He wants to say he doesn't regard Aoba like that. He wants to say he doesn’t feel anything for Noiz.

But he can’t manage to say any of it.

“I mean, I love Aoba, both of them. Sly and him. And I'm happy they’re happy with Ren. I'm sure you are too... (I hope.) -- But anyway! What I'm trying to say is that I think you still can’t let go of whatever idealization you have of him and in consequence, you are numbing your feelings towards the rest.”

Koujaku unconsciously grits his teeth.

“Ha~ ...Look, I know Aoba is your childhood friend and I know you have strong feelings towards those memories. But when I was at the hospital Aoba and I did a lot of talking. There is a huge gap in your childhood that Aoba would tell me nothing about…” Koujaku tenses up and Mizuki can almost _feel_ him doing so. “You don’t have to tell me anything, don’t worry, maybe some day… It doesn't really matter. My point is, and it’s only a guess... is that, well, something definitely happened to you, that’s obvious… but you use Aoba is the vessel that encapsulates you in a time where whatever awful things happened to you, just _don’t exist._ ”

Koujaku's throat is a knot by now and he doesn't want to hear any more. _Aoba is much more than that,_ he thinks to himself.

Even if Aoba himself told him against it moments ago, Koujaku _does_  feel that he owes him everything.

And he has his reasons for believing so.

 

Not many months ago, not long after Oval tower collapse and after Aoba found Ren, Koujaku had came came across with yet another hurting fact. Ryuuhou had been killed.

It should have been relieving, to have such a terrible person disappear from the face of Earth... but truth is, for him, it was the most terrible thing. It was so because not only it hadn't been done by his hand, but it robbed him of the narrow possibility of reverting his curse.

Koujaku fell into despair.

Almost completely falling prisoner of the tattoo the moment he realized there was nothing he could do, how his world was falling apart, he was losing any hope in living altogether.

But Aoba had found him. He scrapped him and saved him. Reverted the curse. Freed him. He was eternally grateful for it.

But he didn't even ever got to tell Aoba his true feelings. There was no longer a place for such. He had lost him.

The desolation and anger made the tattoo to take a toll on him again. He empowered it and brought it back to life himself.

That's why Sly was so angry and Aoba so disappointed.

 

Koujaku can’t manage to swallow the painful knot formed at his throat and tell Mizuki he doesn't want to hear anymore, so he raises a hand, signalling him to stop. But Muzuki takes his hand between his, knowing he is hurting his friend but also knowing he still needs to push it.

“Hey... I’m not telling you can’t be in love with Aoba. That's somehow completely out of your control, isn't it? But what I _am_ trying to tell is that maybe is not the _real_ Aoba you fell for, (I don't think you are really including Sly, y'know)… and in the illusion of thinking _he_ is the only one that can hold your happiness, the happiness you felt when you were a child before bad things happened to you… you are refraining yourself from accepting you are _not_ that child anymore.”

Judging on how he looks, Mizuki feels the urge to explain further, “He is your first and probably only love and nothing will take that from you, you’ll always feel it, I know that - I'm not telling you to give up and say the 'Get Over It' shit, I know it's not that simple... but you still need to accept and embrace the fact. And that he is alive and happy, for that matter...

but, well, those strong experiences, such as first love, are the ones that end up defining our life paths whether we want it or not. You know, Aoba’s unusual hair is what probably triggered your passion for hair styling. Hey, that’s a good thing right there. Maybe not so much your passion for the ladies, that is probably an easy escape from… well, you know the story - Anyway, life goes on and the idealization of some people we encounter in our lives... lovers, enemies, mentors… even our parents, must be put under reality light and stop using them as Ideals or Reasons for one’s own happiness or unhappiness. -”

“ _Mizuki…_ ” Koujaku tries. But as if sensing his thoughts, Mizuki persists.

“- No one else is in charge of our salvation or demise. Understand this. People can take immeasurable impact in our lives, yes, it’s true... but ultimately, _only you_ are in charge of _your_ own life and responsible of the decisions you take when life offers you those bad or good experiences.”

Koujaku sighs heavily.

“You need to realize,” Mizuki still continues “That Aoba and Sly for the matter, have chosen and now you have the possibility to fall in love with someone else. It sounds strange maybe, but seriously, in my personal opinion, there is no such thing as born soul mates." he says as he waves his hand on the air, dismissively. "Everyone is struggling through life and changing all the time. like the Heractlitus river, remember that shit? Well, I don’t remember it right. Never mind, I'll make something up. -- Imagine our life is an ever changing river - the person appropriate to flow along with you is the one prepared to grow and fight with _and_ for you, to change in order to be a little better everyday, to stop being 'You' or 'I' and become 'Us' - fusioned rivers or something. That’s Love. You know, for me, soul mates can be created. And you are preventing yourself from this. To, you know, fall in love, not dry up, - maybe reach the ocean - some crap like that. Get it? I'm tired of talking for fuck's sake.”

Koujaku snerks a bit at that and smiles faintly, but after a second, he places a heavy palm on the redhead's shoulder, half to show affection and half to just keep himself from falling weak. He doesn't know how did Mizuki even managed to hit that many spots, especially without knowing what happened to him in the past - but he can't possibly deny how it all actually made sense once he stopped fighting it.

“I have just one thing to ask, Mizuki…” he pauses as he looks at his best pal in the eye “When the fuck did you turn so goddamn wise?”

Mizuki lets out a throaty laugh.

“Ah... haha. I had so much time to think while I was hospitalized~” he says, patting Koujaku two times in the shoulder before raising his palms upwards and resume walking.

“Figures...” Koujaku laughs a bit more, following him. Nothing like a little humour to ease up the tension. “You’ll make your future partner so happy, Mizuki.” he adds.

“I hope so. Thank you.” and Mizuki gives him the warmest smile, it's contagious.

"Wanna drink some?" Koujaku offers as he reaches for his keys. They were already home.

"Sure." Muzuki accepts, happy Koujaku was opening up for him in more than one sense. Koujaku takes his keys out and hangs the door open for his friend to step in.

"Wait Uh..." Mizuki says before coming in. "In case this is one of your moves, I hate to break it to you like this, but you are not my type." he jokes.

"Go to hell, Mizuki." Koujaku damns him while laughing. 

 -

They end up drinking and laughing at whatever story they had to share, distracting Koujaku from the inevitable pain and momentarily unclutching the dense atmosphere for a while, at least.

After a few hours of persistent drinking and chatting, Mizuki takes a futon form the usual place and lays on it with a loud yawn. Ready to doze off any moment.

When Koujaku goes to get some extra blankets, Mizuki talks vaguely. “Hey… you know, about you and Noiz...” Koujaku doesn't say anything as Mizuki slurs his words, “What happened today...”

“Yeah, I know.” Koujaku tries to end it there. It was selfish, cruel.

“... was so fucking weird.” Mizuki ends his phrase.

Only then Koujaku remembers.

He remembers no one except for him and Noiz knew a thing about the Stealth Mode. Of course it would have been weird for someone watching them from outside.

... But he hadn't been just weird, he had been reckless.

The redhead falls asleep and Koujaku goes to lay down to his own bed. After some time of lonely quiet, his mind goes working again and his chest starts to tighten up. He is really confused. What if all they said was right? That if he was being selfish, thinking Aoba would save him forever…

Was he keeping the curse alive as a sick way of getting to him?

That's to painful to even ponder about.

But then what if what Mizuki implied was right about Noiz and him having feelings for each other? That kiss sure felt real. But the idea of Noiz wanting him really felt unreal and made his heart beat faster.

Really, what if he had been lying and blinding himself about his own life  _all this time?_

_'I was born a freak'..._

The phrase rings in his ears, so full with despise and hatred. He is a freak too, a self maintained one, he realizes.

Koujaku wishes everything returned the way it was before all this shit happened. But reality crushes his petty wishes like foot on insect. That could never happen. He can't turn a blind eye to what his life has turn into.

And so he sleeps to it. He manages to fall asleep after a few more moments of tormenting himself. But the next day doesn't bring any miraculous answers like people often say or like he would have wished for. 

_-_-_

The next meet up, Koujaku is hoping to see Noiz again, talk or something. But he doesn't show up.

Aoba texts him. Even if it's normal for him to not make an appearance often... what happened last time had nothing normal about it.

No answer. Koujaku asks for his coil number and soon everyone is trying to reach him. Still nothing. Koujaku was turning desperate. Mizuki and Ren are extremely concerned and Aoba isn't being his usual self, drifting his mind away very often. He doesn't stay much at the bar.

_-_-_

Sunday evening, same thing happened. No appearance, no answer. The atmosphere is slumber. Clear tried to cook doughnuts for everyone, imitating Tae’s cuisine, but even that wasn't the same.

Koujaku decides he wants to go to Noiz house, but the only one who knows where he lives is Aoba and he won't tell him.

 _-_-_

"Why the fuck won't you tell me!?" Koujaku asks desperately once they all gather together again and there was no sign of Noiz.

Silence.

"Didn't you all wanted me to care for him?! Well, I'm doing so, I'm trying! but you are cutting up my legs! Why?!"

"It is common for him to not show up for longs periods of time."

"It's not the case this time and I know you know it, Ren!" Koujaku dismisses him rudely, making Sly perk up instantly.

"I'm ok, sweetheart... why don't you tell him?" Ren tries.

"No." his boyfriend replies sternly. "Trust me in this one, Ren." he says and this is maybe the first time Aoba is seen with one golden eye and the other hazel. 

"Ah~. That's so pretty!" Clear chirps as he holds his hands. "You are finally synced...!" he says as he smiles and crooks his head to the side, thinking. "Mmm... _Ao_ -san?" he asks.

Ao, _Blue_. It should sound about right, but...

"We are both Aoba, Clear. If I had to choose, we'd prefer to be called Aoba altogether." They say, and soon after, the irises change to be the same colour again. Clear almost whines.

"We are _always_ together, though, you know?" Aoba tells him as he pats his head, reassuringly. "We are the same person after all."

It's almost as if it was just missing the emotional clapping. Koujaku is furious. He was being ignored altogether.

He didn't give a fuck about the eyes thing, he wanted to know if Noiz was even _alive_.

"Ugh! I can't believe all of you! If you are not telling me where he lives, I'll somehow find it out for myself!" Koujaku spats and leaves the house.

Mizuki follows him, but he is not able to do anything much.

 -

Aoba and Ren are left alone in the dining room as the night falls and Clear go to sing for them from the roof. It is a sad melody but with hopeful tones and sweet lyrics.

 

But this was happening every night, now... Golden eyes pierce into his lover’s warmer ones without a word. 

"You know I have to do this." Sly tells him, almost weakly. "Please let me do this." he pleads.

Ren doesn't want to release his hand, fingers intertwined... but after a moment, he lets go.

 -_-_-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Noiz.


	6. Slyced II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz has a visitor. Or more like an intruder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noiz. As promised. Exploring the roots of Noiz's past and present behaviour with Sly and Aoba.   
> Also, even if they want to be called just Aoba, I'm maintaining 'Sly' for convenience. The split personality continues to be real.
> 
> I hope you are liking this fic thus far.

_-_-_-_

“I know you are there, listening to me...”

_No answer._

“Are you planning to just rot in there?”

_Still no answer._

Sly is laying against Noiz’s door, he can’t quite be certain, but somehow, he just knows the blond is sitting beside the doorframe, listening in complete silence.

But in his mind Aoba is not so sure. He is unsettled and troubled. Doubts about Noiz wellbeing flood their mind - _'What if waiting for him to reach to us isn’t the best idea?' -- 'This is stupid- he_ saw _us the past nights and he just slammed the door to the pizza guy every time... now he just doesn't deliver anything at all, he is probably not even eating!.'_

_\-- 'What if he isn’t even here?' -- _'What if he is injured!?' --_ 'In fact, what if Koujaku was right? nobody knows if he is even alive!' -- 'We are just here doing nothing!!' -- 'SLY!!' _

"Stop it, Aoba!!!" Sly says out loud, shaking his head. ' _I'm not able think if you are taking up our full brain just for panic sake! And you are supposed to be Reason!!'_ Sly says, losing his patience.

But Aoba can't help it, he involuntarily starts seizing bit by bit the full control Sly had on their body. Tears begin to swell up on the corners of their eyes as their hands start to tremble. ' _Please.'_  Aoba begs in their mind, ' _Please, please do something.'_

Sly looks at their trembling hand, his hand, and clenches it into a really tight fist, regaining full control again to make it steady. _'Ok Aoba, I'll do something. Just stop crying, please. -'_

But at that moment, as he distantly looks down at his steady fist and planning on how to break into the apartment without destroying the door... his eye focus changes slightly and spots a weird distortion on the floor just straight ahead. _'You see that too?'_ \- they think at unison. He squats and the distortion seems to move away. ' _What...-?'_

But Sly is quick, he snatches whatever the object is between two fingers and moves it around in an intent to decipher what the hell it is by feeling it’s shape. A little pang crosses their chest at their first - and later to find correct  - guess. 

Sly presses his fingers together, harshly crushing the object between them until the cloak fails and a squealing bunny appears to confirms their thoughts. 

It angers him. 

 _'Guess what. The brat is still very much alive, it seems... the little smartfuck...- better now, Aoba?_  ' He doesn't need an answer to know he is, slight relief bathes them but uncertainty still holds. ' _Let's see if the fucker is inside.'_

He slams his fist against the door.

“Open it!” he orders, menacingly. There is still no answer but a ruffling sound and an annoyed scoff. Sly has to purse his lips in order to calm himself down, this is causing a hell lot of stress.

"Open. The fucking door. _Now._ NOIZ."

“Go the fuck away.” the blond finally answers, knowing perfectly well he had been busted.

“If you don’t open it right now, I will tear it down, I SWEAR!” Sly threatens, not bothering to contain his tone.

“Fuck you.”

 _'Oh god...'_ Aoba anticipates what's gonna come, feeling Sly's wrath accompanied with a tad of sadistic expectation.

“Ohh! You are just asking for it!...” He tells out loud, unsettling Aoba but immediately making sure to transmit his calm and resolution. _'Tust me in this one, Aoba -- We're getting inside now,_ _so sit tight and stay as quiet as possible, I need to concentrate.'_ he says inwardly as he stares at the door lock for a bit before he takes a stance and gives a very precise and powerful kick to it. 

It opens, very abruptly so. Behind it, there is a very wasted and displeased Noiz, scowling at him from a few steps back. 

“What the fuck is your problem!? Get the fuck out!” Noiz yells at the intruder, his usual cool... completely absent.

But Sly closes the damaged door shut very gently as he forces a smile.

“There, there, no need to be rude… I’m just paying a friendly visit.” he says soft and sweet. If he had fangs, they'd be dripping poison.

Noiz immediately tenses up at the fake sweetness, expecting a fight - His guard is up, but he isn’t physically or mentally prepared for the counterpart’s speed and force - a ferocious bluehead tackles and lets himself fall on top of him with a palm shutting his mouth, stumbling him backwards and making his back hit the floor with a dry thud.

“You will stay still!” Sly orders and Noiz is paralysed on the spot. Any kind of movement, completely shut down. 

“Are you happy now...? I tried to do it the easy way, but you just can’t stop being an idiotic brat, can you?” Sly speaks sharp but slowly, uncomfortably close to his face. 

Noiz is really displeased, but when he tries to get him off, he just can’t. He can't even _try_ to. He can only muffle against his pressuring hand, voice weakened too.

It takes just a second more, due to his current state, to understand what's going on... He is being scrapped --If he was angry a minute ago, now he is furious. All his muscles are at Sly mercy, it’s completely overbearing, exasperating. He can't stand it.

“Just stop it, it’s pathetic!” Sly shakes Noiz’s head under his palm, emphasizing his state by humiliating him a bit.

“You should better relax and listen to _all_ I have to say in a calmed fashion... cause I’m not stopping till I'm done.” he says, matter of factly.

Noiz keeps scowling and letting impatient sounds come out. But Sly ignores him - he’s been planning about what he was gonna say for days now, so he intends to say every word of it.

He starts.

“You are not unique, Noiz... I know what it’s like and I can help you.”

But Noiz has none of it, he’d like to speak up, fight him, curse him, tell him he doesn't want shit from him, that he doesn't know anything. To tell him to leave him the fuck alone.

Sly voice only gets louder then.

“I know what it’s like to be trapped, unwanted, despised - treated like a monster!”

This makes Noiz scowl even deeper in consequence, he still has none of it. He really wants to shut him up.  _Who the hell does he even think he is? He knows nothing about me!_

Sly smiles venomously again, trying to keep his cool. But it's quite hard, because on top of Noiz being awfully expressive now like he never was before, Scrap binds them so that he can also hear his intentions and thoughts - making Sly feel like punching him really hard.

Instead, he leans even closer, resting his chin over the back of his own hands that cover Noiz's mouth.

“You want to know a little secret?” Sly rhetorically asks and answers after a short moment “...people don’t treat you like shit because you can’t feel, people treat you like shit because you _deserve_ it. You are an asshole, an envious and cowardly asshole.”

Noiz scoffs into the bluehead hand in dismissal, he is only able to control his eyes and his breath and takes full use of those faculties.

A vein starts to prickle on Sly's forehead - he wished he could take control of those too, but the automatic bodily actions such as breathing and blinking would take too much energy to handle when he just needs to paralyse the rest. So he calms himself down and makes himself more comfortable on top of him as to say he is not going anywhere anytime soon, and presses both hands over the blond’s mouth in a more ominous way as to say he is not intimidated by him in the slightest.

“Just like how you are trying to do now... you insult and push people away with that bratty attitude of yours. You wanna know why? I’ll tell you why. It's because it's easier to be alone than to make a fucking effort. -- So your pain sense is numbed, so what? You are _so_ stupid, you think that by keeping yourself locked up you’ll be able to numb everything else up. But guess what… that's not how it works.” Sly’s voice gets more and more aggressive, even if the volume does not increase just yet.

Noiz can sense how Sly is losing his patience by the second, so even if he is unable to move because Scrap power is binding him in place, he still makes sure to demonstrate however he can that he doesn’t give a fuck what he’s saying and push him further to his limit. He scoffs again and averts his gaze as he was bored, and that would normally do it - but Sly already knows about this kind of charade even before he pulls it through, even before he could read it.

He slightly shakes his head in disapproval.

“Hmm, playing tough, are we? ...so you still want it the hard and painful way, huh?... I can do that, bunny boy.” he tells him while lightly tapping his fingers one after the other, over the side of his mouth.

Noiz is about to roll his eyes on him but as his eyes go up, the world seem to loose balance in a very strange way.

He stares back again immediately just to see his sense of sight get clouded, thick black grows progressively around his counterpart, forming an intense dark halo around him. His breath quickens as he tries focusing on the rest of his department, but as he lays eyes on anything, whatever piece of furniture, it just disappears - the entire department disappears in front of him. The only thing that's he is able to see is Sly. Sly that gazes down at him intensely with a perverse expression. Wide eyes and wicked smile.

Again Noiz tries to get away, sheer fear rushing through his veins and heart pumping as hard as it possibly can, but he can only helplessly watch how Sly's excited golden eyes and smirk widen further before void makes that fade too, leaving only dark.

Noiz blinks multiple times in a hopeless effort to see again, the action soon proving itself worthless as it doesn't matter if his eyes are open or closed, either way it's all black...

And even when an ephemeral world starts to unfold in front of his eyes, it is still the same if he blinks or not. As if he hadn't eyelids at all.

Slowly, he regains his ability to move again and immediately puts his palms in front of his eyes, but even as he can watch how he flexes his fingers, it's not complete.

The hands are his, but they're not. It is him and it is not. He keeps watching closely as the world around shift-forms into a bigger, much stranger one that invites him to get lost into. 

Walls, floor and roof are placed piece by piece around him, familiar objects, detailed carpets and melancholic sounds and voices play out without his consent.

He looks at his hands again, as if that were some kind of pivot from world to world. He stares at them intensely.

        ~-~-~

_His hands are small._

_"Wilhelm."_

_They are covered in blood, bruises, cuts and scarred bandages._

_"Wilhelm, stop it."_

_Countless needles poke his skin and every single type of pill pour down his throat. Lots of them._

_He has a glass of water to swallow them._

_He doesn't mind the needles so much as he minds the pills. He doesn't want to take them, they are bitter._

_"D _on't want 'em. They are bad." he complains.__

_The doctor merely side-glances at him from above, barely averting his gaze from his virtual panel._

_"You can't know what is bad or good for you, child - You need to take all your injections and medication - Don’t be foolish, it’s for your own good." he states as he types down on his panel._

_But why does he have to take them every day? They are disgusting and make his mind funky._

_"Wilhelm! Pay attention. How does this feel? Is it 'bad'?" The doctor makes sure to use the same word he used to describe the pills and would ask again and again after pressing different parts of his body - sometimes drawing blood. It would specially make the doctor's brows furrow when blood was spilled._

_But the child doesn't understand the question._

_So he keeps silent... and that is an answer on it's own._

_Today the doctor looks at him for one moment longer than usual before he leaves the room and closes the door behind him. Wilhelm follows cautiously and has to go through two other rooms before he can hear his voice again._

_He stays behind the final door and looks through the keyhole._

_"I'm afraid there is nothing more I can do, the diagnosis is confirmed, he has Congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis._ _There is no cure nor possible improvement whatsoever -- Moreover, he is _completely unable to interact appropriately with others due to it, so_  I advise you to take the measures necessary to handle the situation."  the doctor says._

_Wilhelm doesn't understand most of what it's being said and who are the people with him... he can only see parts of his white coat and _folds of yellow fabric moving around nervously. He_ isn't sure who owns the piece of clothing, but he hears a familiar tone and intermittent weeping. Voices that get farther and farther away. Voices he had forgotten. Voices with bittersweet taste._

_The skirt gets out of sight._

_On pure impulse, Wilhelm reaches for the doorknob, but as it starts to turn, a quick feminine scream is heard and quick steps reach the door to lock it, rotating a key and leaving it there. Obscuring his possibility to peek again.  
_

_Confusion, loneliness, desperation.     ... Rejection._

 

         ~-~-~

The images are interrupted there.

“Hmm~?” Sly hums with a condescending tone.

Noiz breathing falters as he is downed to earth again, having being completely swept away by the visions. Back to present, the only thing he can see is gold orbs with extremely thin pupils. They seem to glow on it's own, he can't stop looking, as he can't stop the roller coaster to rise again and force him to live again the scenes he wished he was able to erase. 

“So, just  _who_  were the ones who locked you down at such a tender age, _I wonder._ ” 

         ~-~-~

_He hears the key being retrieved and he stands up to immediately look through again. The white coat. Behind it, a man that receives the key and a woman with a yellow skirt that presses a detailed handkerchief to his mouth. They are both blond._

__"This is a disgrace! Our family name has been put to shame!" a father is desperate._ _

_"Why would I give birth to a boy like this? What did I do to deserve this!?" a mother is inconsolable._

_He hears everything. Things he wished weren't true. Things he would have been better off not hearing._

 

_"Isn't there any option!? We'll finance the investigation for a cure!"_

_"I'll put in contact with the facilities."_

_No one must know. He must never get out._

__He is moved to another place._ Doors and windows lock around him one by one. Walls enclose him._

_There is nowhere to go._

         ~-~-~

His face is shaken to the sides in order to wake him. He is downed to earth again. Sly's question, answered.

“So _those_ were the ones who locked you down? The same ones who gave _life_ to you? The ones who were supposed to love you the _most?_ ...Oh my, doesn't that just suck!?” Sly emphasises the last word with great intent. He isn’t able to understand the language, he doesn't know what they said, but can understand each and every emotion, he can understand what Noiz understood back then. “To reject you that way, keep you away... how _shameful_ you are.” Sly narrates as he narrows his eyes and grimaces exaggeratedly. He accompanies the hurtful memories with a commentary of his own, keeping Noiz faltering between fragments of the past and present time.

“It feels horrible doesn’t it? Can you feel how it hurts? That’s _pain_. You are in  _pain_ , Noiz... that thing that you were desperately trying to feel with Rhyme.” Sly tries to develop his point as images and thoughts diminish significantly.

But as Noiz regains just a bit of his mind, he feels like vomiting, what he feels now is real and intense _hatred_. Deep anger and disgust. How dares he pry on his memories and diminish his condition? Is he just mocking him? Taking a shit on him? If he was able to really feel, he would have been the same as everyone else, he wouldn’t have been locked, he wouldn't have been despised, he...

“Oh, shut up!” Sly reads right through him and another wave of memories hit him. He inevitably gets lost into them. Everything is clouded again and a clear as day memory starts to unfold right around him, without interruptions.

~-~-~

_Plains of short cut grass appear under his feet and extend into a really long distance. The sun shines and everything seems so bright, he had forgotten the smell of it, the shine of it._

_He is 8 years old when he manages to pick on a lock for the first time. It is also the first time he meets up close with another pair of lime eyes that weren't his own reflection. He is blond too and wears an all green uniform as he saw in the lesson screen._

_he must go to real school._

_The child in question waves and runs to him as if he recognized him._

_“You_   _look like me. Are we brothers?” the child asks with a big grin as soon as they are one step away. He is smaller and very trusting, he must be around 2 years younger than him and has to cover his eyes from the sun._

 _Wilhelm doesn’t know the answer, but they might be._ _“Do you see Mother and Father?” he asks him instead, assuming that it was the case._

_“Mama and Papa? Yeah, all the time, but they are at a trip now and I don't like my nanny so I came here to play." he answers chirpily and sincere._ _"Wanna play with me? I’m Theo. What’s your name?” he quickly asks while fidgeting impatiently._

_Wilhelm doesn’t answer any of his questions. He has his mind occupied. --_ _ _The tutor comes three times a week, different maids bring him food, fresh water and clean clothes, the doctor checks his health often and nurses treat his wounds whenever he makes them to himself...  He doesn’t see mother and father at all..._ _He hasn't seen them for years... they don't__ want _ _to see him.__

_So what happens when the mother and father want a son but not the other...?_

_Are they still brothers? --_

_~-~-~_

Somehow, in just a moment, Noiz is slightly able see reality again and when he realizes he had fallen again into deep memories, he becomes desperate and starts to tremble. Just like when he was a child.

He tries to calm down, hoping Sly would just stop, to please stop. But there's no use. 

“I’m not nearly about done, Noiz.” Sly says as blue indigo clouds cover Noiz's eyesight again, just like being snapped out of a daydream but on the inverse, he gets _into_ them instead of _out_.

 _'Please Aoba, let me.'_ Sly pleads inside his mind, Aoba had made him lose his power momentarily.

 

Noiz drifts again into the memory.

              -_-_-_-     


	7. Slyced III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sly gets deeper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Split the previous chapter into two. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

_Noiz drifts again into the memory._

~-~-~

_Theo looks sad as he watches him, “Um, it’s ok if you don’t like your name... you can make one up!" he quickly tries to cheer Wilhem up, and as soon as he sees his eyes widen up in interest, Theo smiles and grabs Wilhelm by the hand. Wilhelm doesn't know how to react, he is not supposed to do this, right? It is bad to be with kids his age because he makes them cry. He is not supposed to be near them, much less touch them. To make them cry is really bad._

_But all his doubts are quickly brushed away as Theo takes the lead naturally and instantly pulls him into running._

_"Let's go explore!” he says excitedly._

_And his thrill is almost contagious._

_They almost trip several times as Wilhelm follows his younger brother til they reach behind the small house where he was locked up. The place is full of wild and forgotten vegetation growing with no specific order - so unlike the rest of the garden._

_Dead leaves and dry branches carpet the earth and overgrown patches of grass with these tiny little flowers grow here and there._

_With Theo’s unspoken initiative, they start collecting branches, leaves, tiny wild fruits and seeds, and organize them separately by colour, size and type._

_"Don’t eat the berries, they’ll give you a stomachache." Theo warns as he squats and pushes all of the ripe and unripe fruits closer together, mixing the colours. "But we can draw with them." he teaches chirpily as he gets all he can into his palm - there are not so many of them but his hand is so small, many fall over -_ _But Theo doesn't complain as he proceeds to pick every single one of them till he is able to gather all within his palm against his stomach._

 _"You live here, right?" he asks as he points to the smudgy wall beside them with his little index finger._ _"_ _Why?" Theo then asks after seeing his brother answer with a small nod._  

_But Wilhelm doesn't answer why, he doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't like questions. The maids are probably looking for him now, it’s around time the afternoon maid comes to check on him already._

_Theo looks at him with this sad sympathetic expression again - an expression that would stick in his mind for years to come._ _“_ _Don’t be sad.” he says as he gives Wilhelm about half his berries _“Let’s draw something happy." he offers instead_ and proceeds to squish a green one against the cement. _

_"... first, the grass." he leads._

_They draw rough zigzag lines with the tiny fruits until only the damaged seed is left under their fingerprints. Different tints are used to draw a house, flowers and little animals with exaggerated proportions all the while Theo sings pieces of a happy and repetitive tune about colors. They put all their energy into it, as if life consisted purely in them doing so._

_The song varies with each color they pick, even if the color changed the moment the liquid touched the dirty surface. They pretty much respect which color is to what, but when it's the sky's turn to paint, they don't have any blue, so they use green again, because that's the more they have._

_His brother is not troubled in the slightest as they paint a world a different way. Stick people, snails, bunnies and birds are painted green, except for the flowers which were reserved for the few red berries they had. Wilhelm is not too fond of red color anyway, but at that moment, as the song goes on and on, Wilhelm is able to momentarily forget about the pills, the blood and the locks._

_As his brother smiles at him, Wilhelm realizes he has a matching one of his own._

_And for the first time, he feels he can breach through the wall with his dyed fingers. For the first time, he wished this moment would last forever._

 

_♪ Grün, grün, grün sind alle meine Kleider;   (♪ Green, green, green are all my clothes)  
        grün, grün, grün ist alles was ich hab.  (Green, green, green is all that I have.)_

_Darum lieb ich alles, was so grün ist,  (So I love anything that's green,)_  
_weil mein Schatz ein Jäger ist. _ _ _♪____ _(because my beloved is a hunter. _ _ _♪___ )_

 

_Rot, rot, rot sind alle meine Kleider, _... _♪__   (Red, red, red are all my clothes, _ _... _♪_ )_

...  
         

        ~-~-~

The sweet tune starts to fade away and Noiz is desperate to hold on to it, tries to burn it into his memory and replay it endlessly. He doesn't want to loose it again, he wants to grip on it and make everything else disappear. But his eyes snap open as he hears a real voice in his ears and the tune hummed by someone else's voice.

“Hmmm-hmm hmmm... Aww, that memory is so sweet, I also wish it didn’t end, really... But what happened later, Noiz?”

Sly is merciless. Noiz pleads with his eyes as he remembers what's coming. He begs in his mind, tries to negotiate with Sly, knowing he must be hearing him. He promises nonsense in a futile intent to make him stop, but his mind does a quick fast forward nevertheless, Sly controlling the reproduction, unforgivably.

 

        ~-~-~

__They run out of berries, so they use different things to keep on drawing. Branches, dirt, leaves. They don't want it to end. But w_ hile picking different things from the earth and bushes, Wilhelm finds a piece of glass._

_~_

_Theo’s hands become dripped in blood and so are his. Deep red covers up the mixed tints they had underneath. Theo cries loudly as he looks at his hands and Wilhelm's repeatedly, looking completely…_

_“No!! Get off him!! Get off him!!!” The maid that comes in the afternoon finally finds them and yells desperately, snatching Theo away._

_‘Theodore! Where is your nanny!? You can’t come to this place! Promise you’ll never come again! Promise!!’ She keeps yelling as he embraces him tight and carries him away, frighteningly stepping backwards._

_But his little brother cries even harder as if the pain increased. Wilhelm was taught about how people yell or cry when they are in pain. Injures hurt and cause pain, he was told, and they cause blood sometimes. Having blood is is specially bad, they are the worst injuries and cause a lot of pain._

_But Theo is not injured..._ _It’s not Theo’s blood._

_...It’s his own._

_And although his injuries don’t hurt..._

_...he feels like crying too._

_~-~-~_

And the memory ends there, with wild and loud cries of his brother and gentle ones of his own. 

Sly lets a soft exhale. “You think that pain is a gift denied to you... but what is happening to you now, the reason your eyes are red and your cheeks are wet is because you feel it. You _feel_ it, Noiz, and it’s _horrible_.” Sly grimaces and has to concentrate really hard to be able to calm Aoba down who has been crying for a long while, as well as to keep his focus at the same time.  _‘Not yet, Aoba. Please calm down.’_

Noiz closes his eyes tightly.

        ~-~-~

_Maids are easy to fool. Wilhelm memorizes schedules, he steals keys or picks on locks. He is able to see Theo a few times more, even if it's from afar. He is able to see him smile, play and do everything he cannot._

_'You can’t play with him, Theo!’ ‘He’ll hurt you, he is not like us!’ ‘You can’t! He’s dangerous!' they’d cry and reprimand, caretakers_ _that were in charge of him and that he would usually never see again, not even the nicer ones would last long._

_As time goes on, and his body continues to change, his tutor and doctor don't come anymore either, opting to email the lessons and the medical instructions._

_And so there was a time too that even when he managed to get out often, he didn't see his brother anymore either._

_...why..._

_He is tired of being abandoned. He is getting tired of waiting him to appear again, for anyone to appear._

_He is tired of being hopeless and lonely._

_So he hurts himself. He hurts himself again and again for someone to come to him, but again and again he is explained the same things - he must take care of himself, he can’t go play, he must stay indoors, he can’t see his brother. Just accept it. Stop it. Because that’s the way it is. Why won't you just accept it?_

_N_ _ursery lessons were forced on him, food deprivation and restraining punishments were held if he failed to take care of himself properly._

_He wasn't made out of stone, so he often got mad - and with this, he kept on hurting himself and whoever was with him without intention... and sometimes with. He was yelled at in consequence, insulted, denigrated._

_The punishments got worse. It didn't take long till he started trying to do as they wanted, just to not see them again. He doesn't want them anymore. He hates every single one of them. He hates Theo too._

_Still, he can't help wait for someone to come to him again - It's like a hiccup, all he wants is for it to stop, but when time passes and he doesn't have it, he feels strange and wants it, expects it-- But when it finally comes, it's exasperating -_ _He really can’t bare it. He remembers just how much he hates it._   _It hurts. It really hurts... and that contradiction makes him act foolishly and recklessly, he started hurting solely on purpose, f _orcing measures to be held;_ making him push himself further and further into occlusion. _

 _His world grows darker and lonelier as_   _he inevitably continues to age, w _hatever piece of compassion they had for him gone as he becomes older. G_ radually he is categorized as more dangerous with every year to come. _ _His windows become_   _permanently closed up, a ventilation system and a compartment to hand in food is installed. His vigilance tightens up, there are no maids or caretakers anymore, there are guards and a security system._ _And even if he learned how to fool them and find security breaches within the computer he self taught to repair, he didn't try see anyone again. No one. He doesn't want to. He convinces himself he doesn't want to. He intentionally makes it so._

_They all abandoned him._

__Being alone it's best. He doesn't need anybody. It's better not to care whatsoever. Nobody wants him anyway.__

 

_~-~-~_

Noiz takes an inhale as deep as he can as if he just resurfaced from deep waters, his eyes open wide to absorb every bit of visual stimuli now recovered abruptly.

“I see, so _that’s_ how you deal with your pain... You _don't_." Sly doesn't give him a second to rest. "You couldn’t bare it, so when the only thing you ever tried - to hurt people - failed miserably, you gave up. You stopped trying, even for the only person who ever brought you happiness - Same as present time, now that I think of it - You deceive yourself into thinking you are better off alone and hurt or deny anyone who tries to come any closer...” Sly says, frustrated and angry.

He doesn't trigger any more memories, but the ones he was forced to live again are still too fresh, making Noiz go around and around in his own mind and creating images of pain and regret completely on his own. All the people that had supposedly abandoned him are because of his acts, maids were fired, his brother was probably watched over all the time and unable to come anywhere near, caretakers and tutors too afraid of being attacked. Everything became more and more difficult as he continued to hurt himself and others.

Noiz enter into deep self-loathing. He is not even as smart as he takes pride on. Pride that was the the only thing that kept him from ending his life.

Noiz feels weak and pathetic, he doesn't want to hear anymore. If only Sly would just stop. He wants to give up. It's always the same, he shouldn't have been born in the first place, he should just let him give up now.

“Stop it! Stop trying to give up or run away, Noiz! For fuck’s sake, escaping doesn't solve anything, it makes it WORSE! Can't you see? How exactly did it feel once you fled away from Germany and knew for a _fact_ you wouldn't see your brother again!? Was it _relief?_ I bet not!”

Noiz lets go a long and trembling breath. Sly can read how he wants to place every single misfortune upon his absent sense of touch and how he tries to close up his mind from hearing further, entering in a bottomless pit of depression.

“Shut your mind up right NOW!!" Sly yells "You think every single problem in your life would be solved if you just were able to feel physical pain, that mental pain doesn't teach you anything… BULLSHIT, NOIZ. It is _YOU_ the one who didn’t _WANT_ to learn once you were old enough!! YOU are the one who imprisoned himself!! You could have _dealt_ with it, learn and earned their trust, be able to live with them, be able to go to school, live outside that awful CAGE of yours! - But you just didn’t want to bare with it! You just didn’t want to work hard and be able to do so, you much preferred to drown in your _misfortune_ , OH POOR YOU! -- Placing the blame on someone else... blaming the world for not making you the way you were supposed to in the first place, is SO MUCH EASIER than trying to be better!”

Sly breathes deep, he feels personally affected by it, being able to easily look at himself through Noiz. He loathes every bit of it, making him unable to control his emotions. 

“I get it, life’s unfair - Damn if I know it - But that’s how you end up destroying _everything_ you once earned or were gifted to, transforming yourself into a complete emotional COWARD and a resentful SHIT!!” Sly unconsciously presses harder over Noiz mouth.

He can't possibly tolerate to watch him giving up. 

“Can’t you SEE!? IT’S _EASIER_ TO GIVE UP! IT’S _EASIER_ TO BE THE MONSTER! ... AND ON TOP OF ALL, YOU THINK YOU _WANT_ THE PHYSICAL PAIN, THAT'S THE ANSWER TO FUCKING  _EVERYTHING_ \- BUT TRUTH IS, YOU JUST CAN’T HANDLE _ANY_ TYPE OF PAIN - YOU ARE _SO WEAK_ , NOIZ!! IT’S PATHETIC!!! -- YOU STILL WISH FOR IT!?  -- YOU WISH TO FEEL EVEN **MORE** PAIN?!?” Sly shouts with all his might directly at Noiz face, scrutinizing him without mercy and breathing fast and raspily, having hurt his voice. 

Several moments pass in which Sly is able to find his cool again. He stares into Noiz’s eyes, watchful of any provocation and finding none - just bewilderment and exhaustion. But as the outburst comes to an end, the only thing that can be heard now Noiz's difficult breathing trying to make it's way in and out his lungs through between Sly’s fingers. His chest heaves erratically and his nose starts to close up.

Even if his message seemed to be getting through, Sly can’t help but still feel it wasn't enough.

“ _Tche._ At least you were born with a body of your own, you know? We weren’t. I did horrible things because of it - but I'm no longer like that, not so much, at least. If I can do it, you can do it. So don’t you DARE lock your own sorry ass up on your own again… You are hurting people _I_ want too, you selfish PRICK! YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH!”

 _'Stop it! He’s had enough!!’_ Aoba whines. _'Can't you see?!?'_

So it's done, Sly yields control. In less than a second, the eyes aren't golden anymore, they are hazel brown. Aoba looks at Noiz with a lot of hurt, streaming tears of his own… Compassion, sympathy, pity. The same expression Theo showed him, the same one Koujaku, too. Kind eyes that he was taught he couldn't deserve.

Aoba takes his hands slowly away from Noiz's mouth and in a broken whisper he says “You can move now...”, reverting the Scrap effect. 

Noiz is baffled as he takes in a big breath. his breathing is extremely uneven as he takes shallow ones from his mouth, not able to breath from his nose anymore. Unleashed tears stream down the sides of his face to his ears as he stares at Aoba’s tender and sad eyes.

“I'm... so sorry...” Noiz manages to say in weak and ashamed voice, each sob making a pathetic sound come out his throat. He averts his head to the side in a poor attempt to hide, grimacing and closing his eyes shut, forming big fat drops between his eyelashes that glisten and drip into the wooden floor. 

In opposition to before that he was paralysed from head to toe - now his body moves on his own, tightening his chest and trying to make him constrict into himself with every whimper, even if Aoba was still sitting on top of him. 

Aoba tries to not fall in full grief as he cups Noiz’s cheek and guides him to look up at him again, at the same time he gently pushes on his chest to steady him. But Noiz doesn't want to look at him, he doesn't want to open his eyes, so when Sly reappears, he doesn't notice at first.

“It’s okay, Noiz. Look at me, c'mon." he soothes until he opens them and finds the golden orbs, gentle but strong, even with Aoba's remaining tears. Noiz flinches involuntarily.

"It's all right, calm down, it's over. You will overcome this, just like me.” He says as he not so carefully wipes Noiz’s tears away with his sleeve. “Maybe at some point we deserved to be locked down, it’s true... but not anymore... - and there is no reason to run away anymore either... Please listen to me.”

Noiz doesn't say anything, but restrains his sobs all he can to be able to hear him, slightly convulsing from them nonetheless. A knot forms on Sly's throat.

“You are still a child, aren't you?" he says as he leans on top of the blond and presses his forehead on top of his. Noiz relaxes further.

"You know..." Sly says calmly, closing his eyes "...people can want us as we want them... _they already do_.” he states with a weak smile, fully heartfelt. Noiz feels his chest constrict again, pressuring his heart and lungs.

“... and I’m sorry to say this, but being able to feel physically wouldn’t solve your problems, but increase them. Getting close to people is hard and you can’t always do the fuck you want. Being able to feel doesn't miraculously teach you how to be wanted - that can be learnt without - but if you continue to be selfish and irresponsible, people will hate you. Do you understand this?” Sly is sharp and to the point, but keeps being soothing and understanding “… caring is bound to hurt sometimes, but you need to become strong for them, yeah?”

Noiz doesn't cry anymore but breathes slowly and steady in exhaustion as he uses his remaining energy to pay attention, collecting every bit of information and keeping silent. After a moment he realizes that was not a rhetorical question, he manages to gently nod after going around in his head for a bit.

Sly lets a relieved and tired sigh and pulls his face away but keeps on. “Tell me… do you care about us?"

"..."

"Noiz."

"..."

"What about the rest of the gang? What would happen to you if any of us would happen to be unfairly hurt really badly by someone?"

Noiz eyes widen up as he furrows his brows as it sinks in. He gulps.

"Or if you weren't to see any of us again?"

Noiz averts his gaze, uncertain and tired. 

"Talk to us, Noiz. What about Mizuki? He always treats you with your favorite drink, no? Clear, singing and jumping just like your ridiculous bunny cubes. Ren, always receiving you with a warm and silent smile, even when you don't share one of your own. How would it feel if someone or something took them away?"

"...n't like that." Noiz mutters.

"... What about Koujaku?"

Noiz grits his teeth unintentionally as he tries to swallow what is seems to be a brick on his throat. 

" _He hates me._ " he lets out and regrets it. He is not in control of himself anymore, heck, he is not in control for a while now. He is very embarrassed.

Sly cant help but smirk a little "Heh _~_ You are so young, Noiz, I often forget that... It's ok. He doesn't hate you, he  _likes_ you. He's been trying to find you." he says and then struggles to find the appropriate words. "He just... doesn't know how to express it. Just like you... you are _so_ alike in some ways... so _stupid_. I mean, fuck, it's like taking care of nine graders - Fucking shit." Sly says as he pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling like losing his patience all over again.

"Ok, I'm done. Aoba will treat the stupid wounds you made to yourself now and then you will figure your own shit out, starting with taking a goddamned bath - you fucking stink.” he says as gets off him and reluctantly offers him a hand as soon as he was on his feet.

Noiz takes it and Aoba appears a second later, taking charge and changing his body language completely as he caringly leads to take a seat on the couch. They don’t say anything as Noiz is taken care of; countless bandages with dried blood and pus accumulate in a pile and Aoba can’t help but grimace in apprehension and disgust. “You  _are_  stupid.” he whispers, as to not perturbate the silence so much.

“.. _._ I know.” Noiz answers almost inaudibly… and after a moment, he dares say “... Aoba... I don’t think I can -”

“Try.” Aoba interrupts, never stopping patching him up. But he can’t help feel sorry, he doesn’t want to be rough to him, Sly had done enough of that already. “Okay, look, I know your life is hard as it is. In order to survive, you became what you are now, which has lots of good points too, you know. But you can't play monster anymore, you never were one in the first place. That child that still suffers is you, you are Wilhelm but you are also Noiz - Forgetting and moving on is good enough, but embracing is even better. No one is just one person inside, let yourself grow up together."

“...how?” Noiz asks weakly.

What happens next surprises Noiz. Just one orb changes it's colour. “We don’t know, Noiz, every one of us is different. But even if I’m a very extreme example, I’m Aoba.” they say and then Aoba resumes patching him up.

 -

“All done.” Aoba clasps his palms over his thighs as he incorporates and puts the used up bandages in a bag together with some more trash, against Sly's instructions. _'Just a little bit is okay Sly, don't be overbearing.'_ But Sly insists that Noiz has to clean up his own mess, so with what he has, Aoba makes himself prompt to leave.

"I'm leaving now, Noiz. Ren is waiting for us and is probably sick worried. Please don't do anything stupid and for the love of god, turn on you coil!" he begs and hugs him tightly before showing himself out.

“Oh, and be careful what you do with Koujaku. He is a very _very_ important person to me -- he also lived  _terrible_  things at unfair young age, possibly worse. So be careful, okay? -- We won't give up on you. We’ll give you a few days before I drag your ass out of here myself if you don't make yourself appear soon.” Sly comes out at the last statement. 

Noiz can barely hear a low whisper _"Deserve it."_ and the brittle clack of the broken door being closed as it was.

 

So he closes his eyes in exhaustion and falls asleep as he was too... broken but fixable.

 

-_-_-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This, for me, was perhaps the most challenging part to write... I understand that not everybody will agree with it, but for the ones who appreciated this little piece of my soul.... Thank you. <3


	8. Slow Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz licks his wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, sorry for the long wait and thank you for being here.
> 
> The following chapters will be shorter in hopes of me feeling a little less overwhelmed and be more motivated to post more often. Let's see if it works.
> 
> This chapter is about the post pinnacle of Noiz's crisis. As many may know, the time after the crisis may hurt less but is often harder to overcome that the actual climax point of it. It is when life itself has to be reinvented and all the effort must be concentrated to not fall again, become stronger and change for the better.  
> Everyone is a world on it's own and deal with problems very differently. 
> 
> This is my vision of how they get it done. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy some Noiz alone.

_-_-_-_

When Noiz wakes up the next morning, he wonders how much had been real and how much had been a dream, he had forgotten many parts of it, his brain trying to erase the truth that damaged him.

Truth that forced to change his way of life, to fight against all his protective and isolating beliefs.

But seeing all the clean bandages covering his hands, wrists and part of his abdomen, he is able to reminisce scattered parts of what had happened. Aoba and Sly had definitely been there and left a big imprint in his mind. But Noiz is still very tired and his mind gets tangled in a mess of scattered memories as soon as he tries to figure it out. So he decides to keep resting, he goes to sleep to his bed this time, throwing all the crap that was on top of it to the side before he lets himself collapse.

This is how he spends the rest of the day - sleeping and waking up many times, memories tormenting him and getting inside his dreams, making him feel extremely tired each time he wakes, but with the need to fall asleep again to solve unsolvable oneiric puzzles. Dreams that persuade him into doing restless tasks with the fake sensation of being able to succeed if given enough time.

So when he opens his eyes one more time and is able to hear his stomach grumble, he decides to get up and eat something to be able to go sleep again, still with the drowsy belief that he’ll be able to solve those nonsensical puzzles of gold, green and red.

… but when he goes to the fridge, it’s completely empty.

Right.

It is tempting to give up at the first try and just close his eyes again over whichever surface, but against the precarious desire, Noiz keeps on looking for some edible food, smelling and tasting from many plates that he found lying all over the place, knowing very well his body needs fuel. But unfortunately so, except for some hard rock crusts, everything has little black dots or had turned sour. Ugh. _Great_.

Still with his mind foggy as it was, soon enough he realizes searching within the house was a total waste of time and pushes himself into ordering some delivery food. As he wait, he digs his teeth on a hard piece of crust. He doesn't realize he had fallen asleep again, letting the piece of bread fall into his lap until the doorbell rings and he is able to smell the appetizing scent of warm and freshly made pizza.

He stands up a little more invigorated, the enticing smell heightening his hunger and waking him up a little more.

He just has to pull and the door clacks open.

The usual delivery boy is standing on the other side handling two boxes of pizza in one hand, a small bag in other, and an extremely bored expression on his face. “Uh. I think your doorlock might be broken.” the delivery boy says without even looking up.

Noiz looks at him with big blue bags under his eyes, unblinking, unamused, as he slowly extends a hand to receive the pizza. The delivery boy finally looks up and immediately his eyes are now wide open in surprise.

“Woah you look like shi-- Uh. Sorry. Forget I said anything, please." he says as he extends both the pizza and the small bag for him to take. "Um. Thank you for your patronage and choosing us again, the owner sends some free dumplings with your order, seeing that you decided on choosing us again. Free of charge.” the boy says quickly exactly what he had been told to say and hopes he doesn't have a complaint later to add up to the ones he already has piled up. He really doesn't need to lose his job.

But Noiz eyes are the ones to widen up now, which is not so much due to exhaustion. He is completely immobile as he watches directly to the guy's eyes and scans into his own mind at the same time. 

Then, Noiz furrows his brows checks the surroundings if there was any sign of Aoba. There was none.

“Are you ok?” the boy asks him warily. The situation getting tenser and tenser by the second as he still offers the food and the client doesn't take it... but just stares instead.

“Mm.” Noiz simply responds, and after laying his bandaged arm over the doorframe for support, he finally asks “...aren't you the one that I slammed the door countless times at?”

The delivery boy lets his shoulders fall a bit. “Uh. yeah.” he answers, expecting the worse.

He lets out a sigh before rummaging in his pocket. He always carries extra cash around.

“I apologize. Take. Bye.” Noiz then says as he slowly exchanges bills for order before he gently closes the door as best as he can. He hopes a big tip helps compensate… everything, anything. He doesn't know. But once he hears a faint and confused 'whoa thanks, I think...' behind the door, he strides inside. Not sure if he is satisfied or not, he puts the boxes in the table and lets himself fall on the couch before immediately opening the first one.

Hot, almost burning cheese seemed to melt in his tongue as he chews, only then realizing just how _much_ he really needed to eat. He doesn't know exactly how many days has been since he stopped eating altogether but his tasting buds were surely rewarding him now. He lets himself enjoy it.

He swallows. Warmth disappearing down his throat. Warmth he is reminded he is not able to feel in any other part of his body but his tongue. His never ending curse.

But strangely, he is surprised at himself it doesn't get him down or anger him as usual. It doesn't. But rather he feels strangely calm, as if _space_ surrounded him and he was able to watch himself from the outside. He can see himself not punishing himself or being submerged in wrath against the world- the things that he wasn't even conscious he was doing _so often_ -.

The tiredness fades up consistently and the world surrounding him starts to become more and more real as his stomach gets filled with pizza, coffee and some of the free dumplings. As his mind becomes consistently clearer, he automatically reconstructs his actions since he woke up until now, consequently remembering and mildly kicking himself internally for falling into the dream sequence trap and not realizing it sooner. But as his remaining senses also start becoming more acute, he starts to notice other scents around him. He can now really realize just how much everything _reeks._

 _He_ reeks.

_It’s disgusting._

He heads to the bathroom and after picking up broken pieces of glass from the floor and bathtub, he proceeds to open up the hot tap of water for the shower. A mild Flashbacks comes across his vision as he remembers images of him punching on his reflection in pure self loathing. ... _How clichéd._

Noiz doesn't put much more thought into it as he is more interested in getting things done - right now, that being taking a good shower. With perfect skill, he swiftly takes his bandages off in quick movements; unfortunately revealing the wounds to still be infected, against Aoba's best efforts.

He sighs more for Aoba’s sake than his own as he proceeds to open the broken-mirrored cabinet. An endless supply of antibiotics and liver protectors display upon his reach, pills required for the survival of people with his condition. He takes two of each, and throw them into his mouth, instantly scowling at the familiar bitter taste. And as he downs a glass of tap water, the same bitterness that brushed his tongue...

_'You can't know what is bad or good for you, child - You need to take all your injections and medication - Don’t be foolish, it’s for your own good.'_

Noiz feels as if he had suddenly emerged to surface to breath. His heart beats fast, the whole sensation forcing him to grasp the sides of the washstand. 

 _“It feels horrible doesn't it? Can you feel how it hurts? That’s_ pain _. You are in_ pain _, Noiz.”_

The glass is slightly cracked in the sink.  
Aoba and Sly had seen it  _all_ , how he lived, what he had done… what he  _is_.

 _"YOU JUST CAN’T HANDLE_ ANY  _TYPE OF PAIN - YOU ARE SO_ WEAK _, NOIZ!! IT’S PATHETIC!!!"_

He'd been completely exposed - all his effort, all his carefully placed walls to protect him were shattered in just minutes, maybe seconds... revealing a weak and hurt child.  
  
Noiz can’t help stare at himself through the fragmented reflection, feeling small, vulnerable, spied on, beaten. ...Pathetic.  
But contradictorily calm. 

_"people can want us as we want them..._

_...they already do.”_

 

Noiz closes his eyes as the only thing that can be heard is the continuous stream of water falling. His breath is steady again, but deeper and slower.

As he opens his eyes again, the mirror pieces are already blurred from the steam. It’s the cue to open up the cold tap about 30° and bathe, so he does exactly that. Momentarily forgetting about the roller-coaster he seemed to just step out from, he gets into the tub and lets the water cleanse him. Slowly and precisely, one by one, he takes care of his wounds all over again, some of the multiple cuts at the tip of his fingers open up again, reddening the sponge and foam in the process. 

He has some serious deep wounds here and there which he guesses were pieces of glass or the sort while destroying furniture, but most were done by his own nails. These last ones covered mostly his forearms, upper arms, abdomen and chest but were also spread fairly across his whole body. Tiny droplets of water sprinkle away as they reach his breath and are blown in direction of his breath as he sighs. As Noiz lets the water run through his face, reactless, he starts.

He pays attention to every little patch of red he can find and cleans it thoroughly, as he also brushes his back all over with equal care as he can't see where the injures are. If he's lucky, he wasn't enough of an idiot to leave big scars. 

As he finishes, he dries himself up and pours alcohol all over himself as the last prevention technique before patching himself up definitely. Hopefully the antibiotics will prevent more infections and let the wounds heal properly and quickly.

_-_

It takes a long time, but he finally steps out of the bathroom... only to grimace profusely as he encounters his completely made out shit of apartment. It’s like he cleaned himself just to enter a pit of filth. He hates it. He _really_ hates it.

So after he is able to find some clean pair of boxers, on pure impulse he starts cleaning all the mess, almost every piece of furniture was broken and there were pieces of crap and glass everywhere he looked at.

He spends several hours ordering, cleaning, organizing and throwing shit away. He has to do all the bothersome chores at once as he contemplates just how much he had destroyed the place in a couple of days. Washing machine filled to the brim, piled up garbage bags. Later drying, ironing, making up the bed, taking stains and dust out of everything that was not broken. His only breaks were to eat and drink.

But after all that time and effort, it was worth it... it’s all impeccable now, if not a little empty.

Now is the only time he feels actually able to think properly - the apartment as a reflection of his mind state, it's lonesome, yes, and vacant, but he has the freedom to fill it as he best see fit. He can take pride on that.

... 

_Pride, huh?_

Noiz inhales and exhales long and deep as he seats at the edge of his now stainless couch and opens a virtual screen and keyboard. Using all of his focus, he deepens his breath and concentrates in order to revive every bit of what had happened and types it down at an incredible speed. No more lies, delusions or pity. 

_...Deserve it..._

Even if it takes him years, he will learn. He  _will_  become better and stronger.

This is how Noiz deals with obstacles, he puts down and analyses every bit of information before proceeding to take action. Breaching, destroying, reusing and reforming.

... No, he can't possibly know if it's the _best_ way to do it.

But it's _his_ way.  


_And he's the best at it._

 

 -_-_-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slow but sure.  
> have a merry christmas if you celebrate it xx


	9. Redirection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koujaku is embracing the changes.  
> Happening during Noiz's dark days and into the present.

_-_-_-_

Meanwhile, Koujaku deals with the change differently. In reality, his biggest crisis happened a while ago. Now what it's in store for him are more pending realizations than the complete shattering of his world. Yet, it's still hard for his pride most of the time.

He drags his ass to work even when he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to, and force himself into assisting to the meet ups and talk to Mizuki every time he can.

And of course he doesn't like confronting his own feelings with the person who triggers them the most - but he also drags himself into talking with Aoba and Sly, much more reconciled with the idea it doesn't exist such a thing as 'Aoba's fake evil part', but two parts of a one.

_-_

"You know, at first I was envious of Ren because Sei had given his body to him and not me. You see, it no longer exist any power that could give me a body of my own now... but... in terms of deserving... Ren definitely deserved it more than me." Sly says and chuckles a bit. "I mean, he was there for Aoba and me from the start, all I did was get into trouble.” Sly pauses for a bit as he digs in his mind and plays with the tip of his shoes as he sits in an odd position on a chair next to Koujaku.  
“But even if I could have a body of my own, I realized... maybe I’d actually rather stay this way, y’know. I'll never be alone anymore and we have Ren." he says with a big grin, daring to become an arrogant smirk.

Koujaku gives him a big grin in response to Sly positive energy, matching it. But then he has to repress a sigh when he realizes something internally... Ren could do something he could not, to love and devote himself to Aoba as a whole.

"Without Aoba, I would end up dead in some alley or would end up really hurting Ren." Sly keeps babbling, choosing to ignore the slight change in Koujaku's eyes.

His eyes change colour.

"Without Sly, I would never find the courage or power to make my wishes and desires come true."

"We need each other.” they say at unison, eyes different colours. Voice sweet but firm and provocative. Koujaku can't help wonder if it was rehearsed. 

“Gee... you are a bunch of cocky showoffs. But I'm happy for you.” Koujaku says with a very warm smile. For the first time, he feels genuinely happy for his childhood friend, looking at how he had found what he needed. Something he would have most probably had helped pushing away indefinitely.

“Oh, and also, I'm not able to use Scrap on my own! Imagine what would've happened without it!” Aoba added quickly as he lifted a closed hand into mid air, ready to count. “Granny probably wouldn't be here with us now; Toue would have continued with his plans and brainwash us all, we would have never met Sei... and also, as a big Rhymer Sly was, we would have never met Noiz, among lots of other things.”

Koujaku tenses a bit at the name. Then he frowns.

“What does that has anything to do with Scrap?” Koujaku asks accusingly, waiting for him to put that unmerited finger down, at least.

“ … We beat him at a Rhyme match and that's why he came looking for a re match... he hadn't lose once, did you know that? ... Whatever, as long as it concerns _you_ , you should at least be appreciative for that much, looser." Aoba snickers, showing off the slightly different shade of his irises with pride.

Koujaku clicks his tongue but can’t help be a little bit embarrassed. He doesn't need Cupid Aoba right now, it's ridiculous.

They don't care if he is embarrassed.

“You are so alike, you fight and fight and put these huge masks to pretend you are so over your demons… but you have so much to learn yet... real strength is to wear no mask. Are you listening to me?”

 _A mask..._ Koujaku repeats in his mind. He saw glimpses of what Noiz is behind it - The contagious fire when they fight, the vulnerable boy pinned against the wall, his rage in attempt to keep his walls up when aloofness doesn’t work. It makes sense… it’s so different from _his_ own Casanova persona. Koujaku still cringes at the memory of himself talking about how precious girls are and how to cherish them appropriately to _Aoba himself_ , before all the Oval Tower happened. 

Koujaku lets out a small sigh and comes back to reality where Aoba is still babbling.

"He also had a tragic past... maybe not so similar to yours... but he even believes he is a monster too and some nonsense like that… sheesh. The past may predispose you into becoming something you may not like, but does never determine who you want to be. What you can be...”

Koujaku's attention was caught upon a few words. Tragic past?  _A monster? ...what does Aoba know?_

“Like hell I'm gonna tell you, Hippo… Ask him yourself if you need to. (you are losing the point.)" Aoba says, reading his exact thoughts and knowing he is just hearing fragments of what he says. Honestly, Koujaku was sick and tired of the life lessons already. He knows he isn't perfect, but none is. He is starting to believe that Aoba was becoming rather arrogant.

Koujaku decides to ask anyway. "How did you know what I was about to ask?"

"Oh please... I just know you too much, you big Hippo... you are just too easy for me to read." Aoba mocks, laughing a bit at his expense. Koujaku doesn't appreciate it.

“Psh. _Tsk_. And yet you took _so_ long to notice I had the biggest crush on you, Aoba.” Koujaku retorts.

“Ooohh! Burn!!” Sly comes. 

_-_

It’s been two days since Aoba went to see Noiz and even if he is certain that he will come out of his confinement by himself, he still secretly checks on him and is always ready to go and drag his ass out of there himself if needed.

But for now, he is calm and glad to have Koujaku visit him.

"It's simple, really. Is like my father once told me... _‘There are no wrong options in the world, at any time you can destroy it and build a new one’_ \- Sounds simple, right? Well, simple doesn't mean easy, but it's easier if you are not alone. You and Noiz must realize this." Aoba lectures yet again.

Koujaku looks at him and sighs heavily, his is not only getting seriously sick and tired of receiving endless life lessons, but also the not-subtle-at-all hints for him to take a love interest in Noiz.

...It's not like he doesn't want to at least try the waters with him, he has to admit that much... but...

"You are being completely ridiculous, Aoba. Even pretending you are not being shamefully obvious, I still don't know why you won't tell me where he fucking lives if you are so eager for us to elope, for fuck's sake." Koujaku says, pissed off.

" _Elop-?_. Psh. Don't worry, you don't need to go. He'll show up soon enough." Aoba dismisses him casually, making Koujaku roll his eyes and faintly touch the healing bruise on top of his brow.

"Don't worry about that either, he'll appreciate it." he reassures.

Koujaku glares at him with distrust.

Aoba just laughs a bit in response. "You'll see."

 -_-_-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year, thank you for all the feedback <3


	10. Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz realizes someway along his life, he had stopped being alone and he hadn't realized it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I've modified this chapter a few times.  
> Sorry, this story is my obsession.
> 
> Thank very much for the patience and the support. I appreciate it.

_-_-_-_-_

Noiz wakes up Usagimodoki.

“P!!!” they chirp, sing and bounce. “P! P! _P!_ Missed Noiz very much! P!!”

“Okay okay, calm down.” Noiz says, a little happy for the welcome but getting irritated real fast. But Usagimodoki has other plans, they continue cheering and hoping all over him.

"p! p! p!"

“Calm down.” he says again, more serious this time. Frown already gracing his features.

“P!!!”

“Mute. now.” Noiz orders. Usagimodoki mutes immediately but continue to hop onto Noiz and fall rolling down again and again. Noiz is not bothered by that much, it was the squeaking that irritated him - so he lets them do what they want all the while he downloads data from them and upgrades their system. It doesn’t take long, just a couple of minutes and he’s done.

He rests a bit on the bed, legs left hanging on the edge and body slightly sinking into the mattress. Usagimodoki continues to roll over him without any hint of stopping any time soon.

“Usagimodoki.”

“P!” it answers, instantly taking it as an unmute order.

“Turn on the coil. Check on feed.”

“Roger!! Coil on! receiving information... p, p, p...!  32 missed calls, 27 texts! P!”

…

“ _What_ …?”

“32 missed calls, 26 texts! P!”

“Specify contacts.”

“P! Messages and missed calls received from the following contacts in alphabetical order, p!: Bipolar, Bot, Dog, Mizuki, unregistered advertisement and Unknown Number. P! Count!: 12 calls and 9 texts from contact: Bipolar. P!, 3 calls and 2 texts from contact-”

“Skip. Only delete Spam and display all the rest.”

“Roger! Opening visual interface, P!”

Noiz incorporates, still sitting on the bed. The virtual display follows his position, many windows open in front of him, encircling him.

9 texts were from Aoba, 2 from Clear, 2 from Ren and 3 from Mizuki. 10 were from an unknown number.

He reads them carefully in the order they were displayed. All were about their concern towards him, asking about his well-being and asking him to give signs of life -- He closes them one by one as he finishes reading each.

He really doesn't know how to react, so he continues reading until he reaches the last set, the unknown number, already predicting it’s none other than Koujaku.

 _` Unknown:` _  
` Its Koujaku. Aoba gave me your number. just answer.`

 _`Unknown:`  
_ ` I need to talk to you.`

 _`Unknown:`  
_ ` I’m sorry for what happened.`

Noiz has to pause then. _He_ is sorry? Why would _he_ be sorry? Noiz wonders to himself, but keeps on.

 _` Unknown:  
` _ `I can go to your place, it’s just a minute.`

Noiz has to stop again as he hovers a cube between his fingers distractedly as he thinks about it all. It is too unfamiliar and strange for him. He opens up another side-screen and types a few words before continuing to read Koujaku's texts.

 _` Koujaku:  
` _ `You are starting to worry me, please answer.`

 _` Koujaku:  
` _ `I’m sorry, ok?? please!!`

 _` Koujaku:  
` _ `Why nobody will tell me where do you live? I don’t know if I'm texting a dead man right now! Answer, goddamnit!`

 _` Koujaku:  
` _ `just answer for fuck's sake.`

 _` Koujaku:  
` _ `Fucking brat, I said I'm sorry. What the hell is wrong with you, you little shit!?`

_Phft._

_` Old man:  
` _ `Just call or text as soon as you read this.`

Noiz stays immobile in front of the virtual display of his coil. That was the last message… sent about 14 hours ago. He can see how his hair stands on end on his arm and his fingers tremble slightly. He takes up a moment to think his next move, sudden excitement starting to flourish within him.

_-_

A familiar sound, a terribly annoying familiar sound.

Koujaku doesn't open his eyes, he feels too tired to wake up yet. Stupid alarm. Koujaku presses the snooze button, but the alarm persists… how weird… but even weirder is that he didn't remember it to sound that way.

Koujaku’s breath hitches as he raises from the bed abruptly. That’s one of his old ringtones, the one he had put for the brat a few days ago. His pressure falls from the sudden rising movement and has to grab his head for a bit, the beginning of the hangover adding up to the staggering discomfort.

His sight is blurry, his body is dizzy and tired, but somehow he manages to get the coil. The word 'Beansprout' shines in the virtual display. It’s a text.

With all the sudden commotion that made him think that Noiz was actually _calling,_  he had completely forgot he had put the same ringtone if he was to text -- He had actually anticipated this could happen - Noiz to text in the middle of the night, that is - and he didn't want to risk missing it.

But truth is, even if he thought himself prepared for this situation, his heart beats fast and it takes some effort to open up said text, irrationally afraid and anxious of what it might say.

 _` Beansprout:` _  
` See you in the next meet-up, Old man.`

And he wasn't exactly wrong. It really makes him react.

_-_

Noiz’s heart beats fast too even if he doesn't realize it. He knew he was being cruel and he enjoyed every second of it - Imagining Koujaku freak out at his message - getting mad even - fired him up. He can't wait for his response.

A few moments pass, and with the lack of answer, Noiz's excitement starts to fade. It _is_ the middle of the night, so he may not have heard his message... and even if he was sure Koujaku _must_   have been well prepared for such a thing happening, the doubt crept through nevertheless, robbing him of his good mood and harshly beginning to wound his ego.

A few minutes pass and Noiz feels downright disappointed - he never imagined how much so, it was stupid. He is reminded of how feeble his emotions are and can’t help but feel betrayed by his own self. He tries to distract himself and opens up a few screens and work about the new project his mind was struck upon after reading all the messages.

...But that itself is tricky doing, since his will to do it was powered by the excitement he had received from what he predicted would happen.

Noiz really hates when his predictions go wrong, it just shows directly on his face how wrong he is about something he felt _so_ certain about... and considering he was predicting about Koujaku’s reaction right now, it crushes the very confidence he was trying to pull together after all that had happened to him. 

He lets himself rest on his back and look at the ceiling. He shouldn't be over emotional about this. Everything is silent except for soft white city noises that get through the window, making the sensation all the more familiar. He feels the psychological void in his chest and for the first time he recognizes it as actual  _pain_.

He is upset, but it doesn't get the better of him, it just robs his enthusiasm away... and that only brings the dull pain of disillusion and loneliness.

But it isn't so bad, is it? He just has to work harder and become stronger. He is not really alone.

Just then, the coil goes off.

Slowly, Noiz gets it.

 _`Old Man:`  
_ ` See you then.`

Noiz only then releases a sigh he didn’t know he was holding and lets himself fall on his bed again, smiling in spite of himself. To be honest, it wasn't the kind of response he was expecting, but it _was_ a response, and that -for now- was enough. He breathes deep and slow through his nose. Usagimodoki gather around him, muted - an instruction that was ordered as soon they started chirping too high-pitched when he decided to send Koujaku the text in the first place.

They do so calmly, so it calms him too. His chest still feels strange, but it's different. This time it's different.

He is not proud of what just happened to him, but he is relieved he didn't fall. The lack of sense of purpose is somewhat persistent but at least now he knows something new: He must not let himself over-compensate his self doubt with cockiness so much again… he isn't strong enough to be disappointed again just yet. 

Still, it _is_  a strong part of his personality, so even if he’s learning about modesty about his skills for the first time in his life, he’s not about letting go of the cockiness that result in so many great reactions. For Koujaku to take so long in answering, and to it to be so plain and uncommitted, could only mean two things: He is so mad he wants to get back at him by sounding indifferent, or that he is really losing interest in him.

Noiz hopes it’s the first one, and even if a strong thorn of doubt threatens to pull his heart apart, his energy is recovered and he is decided to continue on his project.

_-_

“What a fucking asshole.” Koujaku repeats to himself again and again. He felt so mocked at when he read the text, he could barely handle his own temper. It angered him a lot... as Noiz always does. At least he could be certain that it was indeed Noiz that answered. "Who else could have given such a stupid enigmatic and inconsiderate answer… after all the shameful texts I sent… _Fuck him._ "

He then takes some time to calm down, he doesn't want to respond whatever came to his mind because that would have been a hell lot of insults and that's exactly what he suspected Noiz wanted. At least, texting gives the advantage that he can hide his real reaction and take all the time he wanted to think of some better answer.

Actually to not answer at all was a powerful idea that had crossed his mind. He really wanted to not care anymore. At that moment, and after all the trouble he went though, Koujaku really doubted he could hardly have any kind of relationship with someone like Noiz... that they were just too different and all they could do was fight... that maybe it was better if he didn't answer and cut him off for good.

But even if the idea sounded really rational and 'healthy' at the moment, something inside him told him he just couldn't do that. He _had_ to answer. It didn’t matter what he was playing at or why - but just answer him.

So he does it, he texts him back and feels proud of himself for being able to answer short and plain and give him a taste of his own medicine. Koujaku feels himself being all fired up, he thinks he’s won the battle and that makes him smile to himself.

...And that exactly, is what made him come up with a realization that had him bite his bottom lip. He realizes he _is_ _enjoying_ this... that he had actually missed this kind of rivalry. - That maybe he has been misinterpreting Noiz all this time... 

He remembers when Noiz had assured him that he actually liked fighting just like himself. He was even using stealth mode on him at that time... so he might have been right after all. Maybe he _is_ really just like him.

Koujaku grabs his coil.

_-_

 _`Old Man:`_  
` You are a little piece of shit... but I’m glad you're alive.`

Noiz stands up suddenly and the screen follows him. He really didn't expect to receive another text from him. Muffled sounds escape from his throat… he’s actually laughing.

Seeing their master have yet another powerful happy reaction, Usagimodoki unmute and start hopping and chirping everywhere again, ignoring orders  _again_. 

But Noiz  _is_ happy, sohe decides to let them be as he re-reads the message, motivation and humor bathing him again… but then one Usagimodoki does it too much and lands on Noiz’s eye. It doesn’t hurt, but bothers him enough to draw a deep scowl on his face and make every cube hide under a pillow at his murderous gaze.

“Sheesh.” he says after making sure his message had been clear and made certain they wouldn't be bothering again for a while. He saves the text and just smiles warmly this time, a little exhausted from the emotion roller coaster, but relieved and glad.

He could get used to _this_ kind of emotions.

_-_

 _` Beansprout:` _  
` Thx. I'm sorry.`

Koujaku is happy. This is good.

Maybe too good. 

What happened to him exactly this past days?

He can't help or prevent the corrosive idea that started to flourish in his mind. Together with the exhaustion, the stress and the uncertainties, he decides to do a rather impulsive phone-call.

-

"Nnn, hello? Koujaku?" Aoba answers on the other side. Ruffling of clothes is heard, video-call is disabled.

“What did you do, Aoba?” Koujaku goes straight to the point, but in a rather aggressive and ambiguous way. Aoba tries to ignore the tone, keep it together.

“Mnnph, what are you talking about? Geee~! what time is iit?” Aoba says with a yawn.

“You did something to him, he's acting different.” Koujaku explains, still quite ambiguous.

“It's 4 in the morning? Are you crazy?” Aoba tries, he suspects what he is trying to say and it's no way this time is appropriate to talk about such things.

“Did you scrap him?”

“Calling at this time…” Aoba helplessly tries to avert the subject, but his will weakens.

“Answer me!”

“It's none of your damn business, Koujaku!” Ok, so that's it. Aoba and Sly, as one, snap.

Koujaku curses his impulsiveness. He's achieving nothing, and now he got him mad. But he can't let it go. He won't. he is tired of being held in the dark.

“It _is_ my business, you did nothing but to force me into taking an interest and you probably did the same with him. Do you even know what he wants? What I want!?”

A long sigh comes from the other end of the line.

“What's your problem? He likes you, you like him. We are just helping your stupid asses. You should be th-” Aoba tries to convince him, but he is interrupted.

“Don't be a fucking hypocrite, Aoba.” his tone was low and mad, the blue head could feel how an intense tide of words was about to come, so he braces himself and starts to pull his defenses up.

“ _Hyp_ -?” he starts, but is interrupted again-

“Yes, hypocrite. You did all this to help _yourself_. You wanted to push me away from you by setting me up with someone else, coincidentally doing the same with Noiz. Was he getting too troublesome too?”

“You are speaking nonsense.” Aoba speaks, trembling, defensiveness slowly turning into defensive aggression.

“Am I?” Koujaku can't stop himself, his temper lost. “I think you achieved exactly what you wanted. I no longer gather those feelings for you that disgusted you so much. You are not the person I thought you were.”

“No.” Aoba responds in a louder tone than Koujaku’s. “No I'm not! I'm two persons, how fucking long will you take to get used to it!?”

Koujaku stays silent at that.

“Fuck you, Koujaku.”

Click.

If it wasn't for Ren hugging Aoba tightly from behind, it would have ended so much worse.

-

Koujaku grips his fists tight, turmoil of emotions threatening to split him in half. Guilt, anger, helplessness. The remaining of the night was long and tormentous for his mind... But when the sun finally comes up, his emotions cool down, he knows that somehow he has to fix this.

 -_-_-_-_-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for the comments and kudos. I really appreciate them <33
> 
> (ps: for glacedonuts that asked me before... I don't really know how much it will take. Sorry.)


	11. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koujaku gets tired of the peer pressure, Noiz finds out something interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa so how much time passed anyway? I’m genuinely sorry, life came by knocking at my door and when I didn’t answer her, she went berserk and tore the it down together with everything else. The bitch.
> 
> So here comes an update, hope you enjoy it. I really missed this.
> 
> (edit: so yeah, I keep changing things... you might want to check this and the previous chapter again. But it's not really necessary because it won't change the critical turning points.)

_-_-_-_-_

After Koujaku goes to visit Aoba in person and apologizes multiple times, the stressful moments are replaced with something perhaps healthier but not less troublesome... or hurtful.

“Hahahahaha!!” Aoba spurts out wholeheartedly, while he grabbed on his stomach, his muscles already aching. “You look so lost, oh my god! No wonder you exploded like that last night! Look at those big blue bags under your eyes!”

“Yeah, how funny.” Koujaku sputters as he grabs another cigarette and lights it in hopes of vanishing away a bit of the frustration.

“Hmphaha. I-I’m sorry...” Aoba says, trying to refrain himself to continue laughing. “I can’t help it… I really never thought you would have trouble with love conquests… you being a ladies man and all, and to think you are really just plain gay… welcome to the club, I mean...haha, you-”

“Hold on. First of all, it’s not a love conquest, alright? and really, what the hell are you saying…!” Koujaku interrupts, rather bothered from the ongoing ramble. Even if it _were_ a ridiculous love conquest, it wouldn’t be the first he failed at. He feels humiliated, even if the feelings he has for Aoba are not the same as before, it’s still painful, it puts him in a really uncomfortable position.

“Oh oh, gee, I'm sorry... how _is_ it that I became so insensitive?” Aoba says halfheartedly as he scratches the back of his head. And at that moment, Koujaku realizes the huge grudge he was still holding. He stays silent, but still hoped for the torture to be over as he gives a deep inhale, sucking in a hot puff of smoke to bathe his lungs.

“...Yeah, but anyway," Aoba continues, trying to keep the conversation away from seriousness. He doesn't realize that he's about to just make it worse. "Mizuki and I think that when you try things out with Noiz, you--” 

Koujaku scoffs then, releasing all the smoke in disarmed broken clouds.

“What the fuck!” Koujaku yells, higher than he himself expected as he fans the smoke away with one swift movement. “Would you cut it out with that shit already!?”

Aoba is the one who stays silent for a bit, eyes full light brown, shocked and growing red.

“So you _are_  really that impatient to get rid of me. Did my feelings sicken you that much?” Koujaku sputters the damn words that had been haunting him, making him on edge all over again. _It sounds ridiculous, I should know better, but why, why would he insist so much if it was otherwise?_

“T-That’s not it! Koujaku!!…-” Aoba starts, trying to hold on to him, but is brusquely brushed away… hurting Aoba in a deep emotional way. He tried to act different than last night, but it backfires to him. He wishes Sly would take control right now, he feels too vulnerable, too confused and hurt.

But Sly stays out for this one.

Aoba speaks softly, holding his own arms to his chest. "I was just trying to...-"

“-Do what’s best for me, huh? Stop it already, stop deciding what’s best for me, you already showed me it’s not you, and that’s ok, but please be coherent and stop forcing your opinions on me as if it were the case!”

“I… I wasn’t...” Aoba whispers, more to himself than the person that was in front of him. He grips on his own arm tighter, trying to comfort himself. Sly is still not coming out, knowing very well it would be for the worst if he did.

With eyes as light brown as they can get, Koujaku doesn't take long to realize that the Aoba he knows for ages is the only one taking the hits. 

Aoba realizes that he hadn't been fair with Koujaku. Even if his intentions were to find happiness for him, it wasn't the way, now he knows. All the frustration comes up to him, the helplessness of seeing his dearest friend fall apart and not able to give him what he needed.

“I’m... sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you...” Aoba finally says, looking down, defeated and embarrassed. 

“Aoba..." Koujaku calms down in a single instant, automatically getting closer again. The cigarette is long forgotten over the ashtray, and Koujaku takes in a deep breath of fresh air - the scenery gets back into place, the cool breeze, the gentle night, the unforgettable view of Aoba's balcony and his childhood friend desperately trying to protect himself.

"Fuck, Aoba... I'm the one that's sorry. You are my best friend and I should know better that rush to conclusions." he says, placing his hand on the blue head's shoulder. "But please stop trying to force me into a relationship I don’t even know if I want. You and Mizuki. Please, enough.”

“Ok… we’ll stop… I promise.” Aoba says, blinking the tears that threatened to form. He looks so beaten, so regretful, it reminds Koujaku from when they were kids - gentle times when Aoba would come crying and he would support him, brush away his tears and make him laugh again. Innocent times where the roles were pure and sincere - where there weren’t all this bunch of unnecessary thoughts and hidden schemes. 

"I'm so sorry I hurt you so much, I'm so sorry I couldn't be the one you needed," Aoba continues, making tears flow from his own words no matter how hard he wanted to suppress them. "But please don't say I wanna get rid of you...! I don't!"

With that, Koujaku can do nothing but hold him tight, fearing tears of his own attempt to fall down.

"I... don't know what I would do without you..." Aoba says in the smallest voice against the increasingly wet patch of Koujaku's kimono.

“It’s ok, it’s ok...” Koujaku coos, patting the blue head. "I'll always be by your side, we are best friends since childhood, aren't we? I'm sorry I doubted you."

“Uuu...” Aoba whines harder… letting his shoulders relax as they never did in years, leaving behind a heavy burden he didn’t know he was holding so tight on.

Maybe... just maybe, they were finally returning to that time. A simpler and gentler time where Aoba would cry about how he was pulled by his hair and Koujaku would warmly hug him, tell him it's alright, telling him it's over and bringing back all of the joy and playfulness back to his eyes.

No, they are not children anymore, but that doesn't mean they can't bring that moment back but with the knowledge, confidence and experience of two grownups.

Several moments pass till Aoba calms down completely. They fall into comfortable silence. Koujaku is the first to break it. 

“So tell me, how’s Ren doing? You didn’t strand him like an abandoned puppy with all this that’s been happening, I hope?” Koujaku says as he pats Aoba's head ad then playfully dishevels the blue strands under his palm. And it's maybe the first time he can say Ren's name without any hidden regret.

“Heh,” Aoba responds as he gets away from the embrace and the playful ruffling, still pulling at the hem of Koujaku’s sleeves. “Of course not, you big fat Hippo!!”

His smile is just as the one Koujaku remembers. When was the last time they were able to smile so genuinely and free like this?

"Speaking about, he must be sick worried, probably heard you yelling, you know. Oh no, Clear might be crying... better hurry up! -- are you staying for dinner?" Aoba says hurriedly.

"And fall victim of two pair of murderous eyes? I'll pass."

Aoba pouts, but agrees. "It can't be helped, then. I'll walk you to the door," he says as they start walking, "I'll talk to Mizuki in the morning. See you on Sunday, right?"

"Right." Koujaku answers, ignoring with all his might the sudden anxiousness that arose with that statement, remembering Noiz's text.

"Goodbye, Ren, Clear. Sorry for the mishap."

"Aoba is good, so I'm good, Koujaku-san!"

"As long as Aoba is alright."

And right before he takes his leave, they share a quick look.

 _Thank you, for being my precious friend again._ Is what they unspokenly say.

 

_-_-_

Waiting for the two days before the meetup was a nuisance. Even if he wanted to convince himself that he wouldn’t escalate things with Noiz - not now, at least - anxiety, discomfort, fear, too many ideas, too many rehearsed steps to follow up came storming through his head. How should he act? What should he say?

Noiz goes through a similar stage, going about trying to resolve unsolvable uncertainties, specially now that his little project was finished within the hours and had nothing to get distracted with.

Koujaku gives up first, knowing that playing chess and thinking too way ahead only serves to distract the mind from what’s directly in front of you - the present circumstances, the only real thing that we ever have.

But Noiz is analytical and obsessive - he didn’t get as near enough data for him to think things through, and that bothers him incredibly. He didn’t condone to stop planning ahead, it was not a choice. When he plays chess, he considers all.

But how can he with so little information? How come he found so little about him online?

Noiz rests his back against the couch and looks around in search of any kind of hint that would make an idea appear. The sun shyly gets in through the windows, announcing a calm nice day ahead. The sun rays glow over the slight mess that was already forming through his apartment, giving a strange beauty to the disarrange.

At the side of his desk, all the Usagimodoki gather together in sleep mode, gently covering themselves with the fabric of his shirt, as if they were tucked in. Gentle rays illuminate them and make their corners glint.

Noiz doesn't know exactly when they started to tuck themselves to sleep, he never did it for himself, so they weren't imitating _him_ … but as the sun continued to bathed them silently, Noiz found peace in that image.

 _They are not really good at it, anyway._  Noiz thinks to himself. One cube had a piece of cloth halfway through it’s shape vertically, covering half of it’s face instead of what would be it’s body. _They didn’t understand the instruction well enough. How silly._

_... covering half his face like that reminds me of-_

_Wait._

_Of course._

Noiz raises a hand in the air, with a grimace of disapproval at himself.

 _How fucking stupid._ Noiz not only realizes where they probably took that habit from, but also realizes something that should have been obvious from the start.

"Usagimodoki, wake up."

"P!! Noiz is anxious! Waiting for instructions!!"

"Search for tattoo images that resemble Koujaku's ones."

"P, P! Little data of Koujaku's tattoo!"

"Use what we have."

"Roger!"

Swift typing, steady breathing, high pitched squeaking and a a bunch of image comparisons later...

_There._

…

“... _Ryuuhou_.”

-_-_-_-_-


	12. Secrets and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next meetup finally arrives, but not without some trouble.
> 
> I'm not good at summaries, I notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you have probably noticed, I changed the title... It’s been a while since I wanted to change it but I was unsure. I finally did it! ... Sorry for the nuisance.
> 
> So, a whole year passed, holy shit... but well, I wanted to take this opportunity to express myself a bit. This fic is really important to me, I wrote it principally for myself, poured my soul into it - but then I got lost several times during it, I corrected it, obsessed over it, cried over it - But well, hopefully, I’m back to being myself now. I’m not an excellent writer, but when I started this fic I just hoped to reach 100 kudos… Now I am at 170+. Thank you so much. I know it was not so ambitious from my part, but it was sincere.  
> Anyway, I think everyone knows that this wonderful fandom is slowly fading… but we are still here, reading these lines, making these stories, drawing fanart, making it live a little while longer. Thank you for that. <3  
> Let’s do our best.

 _-_-_-_-_

 _“Ryuuhou…_ deceased.” Noiz says quietly to himself. _Great, another dead end._

But the curious thing is... there is nothing more about it. Not when, how, _nothing_. Noiz can’t help but notice how suspicious that is - there are always some trivial information around, witnesses, family… fans or clients. It is as if it was sloppily hidden on purpose. For some reason, all involving Koujaku's past is mysteriously hidden.

Noiz clicks his tongue, frustrated and more curious than ever. He is tired and burned out, but there is one more possibility that is worth investigating... and that is, to search into Toue’s info and that of his former laboratories. He exhales a long tired breath.

_That won’t be that easy._

He had encrypted the info himself.

First thing that Noiz did after Oval tower collapsed was to gather and buy every piece of information going loose. Second thing, to delete any type of information from all the net and then hand it to the Seragaki family. Aoba and Sly were the best prepared to defend such information, due to their Scrap power. They would only access to it if Tae requested some of it, so Noiz had created a whole network just for that.

But he hadn't saved a copy of his own... and the reason behind that, was hasty reasoning and a stupid promise - he had promised he wouldn't sell any of that information, so, other than that, he didn't have any interest in it and decided to not waste space with purposeless information. He regrets that decision... he decides he would no longer jeopardize the possibility of his future self just because he doesn't see any purpose at the moment.

But anyway, of course the cause was not lost. One possibility to retrieve the info, is to hack on the network he programmed. He could do that any time... but it would take time, a lot of it, not to mention that it would leave the connection vulnerable for quite a while. He labels that as plan B. Plan C would be breaking into the Seragaki household as well as breaching through security checks that required fingertip and iris reading. _Troublesome._

On the other hand, another option sounds promising enough to name as Plan A, that being: asking Aoba for access... it is infinitely easier and quicker, especially knowing exactly what he is looking for. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes and there was no downfall to it, therefore, first option to try.

So, after little rest, he was already on the go, he hoped to achieve more before he got to see everyone again, but it was already Sunday and he wanted to get early and do his bidding before meeting the source of his investigation.

_-_

“Hello Noiz.” greets Ren, his tone is warm and his smile is subtle but very gentle. It's about 2:30 pm. Scarce clouds grace the sky and the sun shines bright. It is quite hot, but Noiz still wears his usual long sleeved black shirt. He had abandoned the rest of the accessories for good, except for his Usagimodoki belt, which serves a definite purpose.

Noiz nods with a calm smile of his own, making Ren's widen in return, surprised. “Please come in. I believe it’s a little earlier than established.” he says as he opens the door for Noiz to come in.

“Yeah, can I speak to Aoba?” Noiz answers, wanting to get directly to business.

“Of course. He’s in the kitchen.”

Noiz nods again and looks around for a bit.

“In case you are wondering where Clear is, he’s with Mizuki. They should arrive later together.” Ren says, perceptive of Noiz’s actions. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

“Hm.” he nods for a third and last time. Even if he was already used to Ren's politeness, this time he is more aware of it. After everything Sly said to him that night, everything feels more fresh and somehow new, even if it also felt oddly familiar and nostalgic.

With that, Noiz goes to the kitchen, quickly catching sight of Aoba’s back and the knot of an apron on.

“Ren, sweetheart, could you pass me the-- Oh, hi, Noiz! Could you hand me the sugar right there? Thanks.”

Noiz does as he is told without a word.

“You are here early! How are you?? Everything good?” Aoba chants as he adds sugar to the mixture and blends it all in with a big spoon. “I’m making Granny’s doughnuts! Clear makes them better, but mine will have to do for today… you okay with that, right? Oh, are you a Goatbed fan too? I just love them.”

Noiz just blinks a few times, not sure at what to respond. Stealth mode was on and running and there were no ulterior motives for Aoba's cheerful but hyperactive attitude that Usagimodoki could catch on.

He decides to ignore the questions and go to the point.

“I need a favor.”

"Hm~? What is it?" Aoba replies, facing him appropriately just after putting some water to boil. He has flour powder all over himself.

“I need access to Toe’s info.” Noiz answers simply, cold and straight as it gets.

<<P! Intense wariness!!>>

“What for?” Aoba asks, becoming serious. He has no reason to doubt Noiz, but he has no reason either to not be cautious.

“I need information about someone.” Noiz answers further. There was no time for bullshit talk that would lead him nowhere, but, there was no need to go into detail without being asked either. He hoped it would suffice, but Aoba is adamant.

“Who? Don't tell me you are back to selling info?” Aoba continues to ask away.

“Never stopped, but no, this is for personal interest.” Noiz answers now with a scowl. Unfortunately for him, it seems like plan A is quickly being torn apart.

<<P!! Warning! Strange data interfering with interpretations!>>

“That is curious...” Aoba’s tone, together with the warm glimmer of his eyes, change - Sly, sharp and unwavering, comes forward and gets closer to Noiz. “What kind of information is of Noiz’s personal interest?”

“Ugh.” Noiz mutters. He should have anticipated this kind of play. Sly doesn't fancy encrypted messages or hidden truth.

“This interest of yours... has to do with something that concerns me, perhaps...?” Sly asks, never ceasing to lock eyes with Noiz.

<<P! Warning! Reading error! No interpretation available! Incoherence! P! P!>>

“It has nothing to do with you.” Noiz responds, visibly uncomfortable. He grew to like Sly a lot, but he can’t help but feel frustrated and helpless when he becomes like this. A sting of increasing nausea is brought up as he reminisces a sensation similar to their last encounter. Noiz is sure he is using it as a warning.

“But with someone I know...? Koujaku, maybe?” he continues. 

Noiz clicks his tongue at the defeat.

“Who’s Ryuuhou?” Noiz asks then, knowing that there was no point playing a game he already lost. He knows perfectly well how powerful they can be. 

Aoba seems to come forth once again, but partially.

“If that’s your way of showing your care for someone, you should find a different way.” he says, trying to find the appropriate words.

“Why?” Noiz asks. He is a little puzzled. The readings are back to normal and tell about nervousness and uneasiness.

“You shouldn’t pry on someone else’s past without their consent.” Aoba answers with a huff.

_...What?_

That hit a nerve. As that little phrase sinks in, Noiz feels like punching a wall.

“You mean as you did to me?” Noiz expression was of disgust, even if his voice didn't show it just yet.

“That is different, you were killing yourself!” Aoba answers immediately. “And you don’t seem to be treating yourself appropriately still. How long have you been obsessing over this matter!?”

“None of your business.” Noiz answers, bad temper not leaving at all. It’s not like he isn’t thankful of what they did, but forcing their own values over him, pretending they hadn't done the same thing, was something he considered worthy of getting mad about.

“But it _is_ my business -- Look, I’m not an idiot, I know that if I don’t grant you access you’ll somehow go around it anyway. Listen, Ryuuhou is a sensitive matter, he _did_ work for Toue and _is_ the responsible of Koujaku’s tattoo. I’m certain you can connect those dots easily -  you are a brainiac after all - but you can’t continue to dig for Koujaku’s past this way, I can't consent to it.”

Noiz grips a fist over the counter beside him and looks to the side, without a word.

“I'm listening...” Noiz says to Usagimodoki for some new clue, as well as to Aoba and Sly in front of him. They eye him suspiciously by the choice of words, there was not much more to say... but they decide to grant his wish and explain further. On the other hand, Usagimodoki can't offer anything that Noiz couldn't see already.

“... you’ll have to ask him yourself if you want to know more. I'm protecting both of you. And don’t compare it to your situation, Noiz! I faced you directly, I didn't go behind your back.”

<<Apprehension, fear, determination. Hiding a secret! P! Signs of being unsure of his decision!>>

Noiz sighs but then thinks that maybe it is worthy of exploiting that insecurity. He is prepared to keep asking questions to see how much he could get from him. But the doorbell stops him.

“Ok, stop. You’ll have to promise me.” Aoba says hurriedly as he gets some pans and a little basket out of the cabinet. Noiz looks at his coil, specifically at the time. Aoba gets on the move, he yells from the kitchen for Ren to get the door for him again, and the latter quickly attends to it.

"They shouldn't be here yet..." Noiz mutters to himself, annoyed. Nostalgic voices resound over the living room. Sounds that he wouldn’t know he had missed... distract him from the impending conversation. Aoba ignores the commentary and insists on what he had left hanging.

“You have to promise me that you'll stop searching behind his back,” Aoba says “and I can't help you anymore than this, I have a promise to keep for myself too...”

That catches Noiz attention back for good, _another secret_. But when Aoba sees that Noiz didn't show any intention of making such a promise, he grows impatient. “Fuck Noiz," 

<<P! New strange data appearance! Warning ! Alteration in Noiz’s behavior!! Incoherence in database!!”>>

"... promise me you’ll face him directly if you want to know more about him.” Aoba says, eyes gold and intense.

“I promise...” Noiz says, and even if it felt natural at the moment, seconds later, it is not.

Voices from the living room call for Aoba.

“I’ll be there in a minute!” Aoba shouts back as he starts heating up the oil to fry the doughnuts.

“You... just scrapped me.” Noiz says, venom increasing and increasing in the flow of his voice.

“Please keep your voice down." Aoba begs, "Sorry, okay? I had to. It's for the best.” he continues, desperately trying to put this whole situation under control.

Noiz grits his teeth together. Even if he says that, Usagimodoki catching on his unspoken doubts doesn't make it any less infuriating. I makes it even more so.

“My mind is not a fucking playground.” Noiz hisses, grabbing his arm, poison spilling off his words.

“ _You_ make a promise to me, don't ever scrap me again.” his voice is low, almost a growl. Even if Noiz is really mad, he doesn't want unnecessary attention.

Aoba doesn't even dare to fight off the grip. He hates to see Noiz so worked up like that. 

<<P! Complete change in mood. Secret intention! P! More secrets, more secrets!>> 

The doughnuts hiss in the frying oil.

“I can’t promise that...” Aoba says with a defeated smile.

Noiz can't believe it.

Never in his life he thought he would be surrounded by so many unbreakable information, so many obstacles and impossibilities.

“Please release my arm?” Aoba asks in the sweetest way he can muster.

" _Tche!_ " Noiz complains but does so, reluctantly. Aoba proceeds to take care of the cooking again as the other just lays against the counter, breathing steadily to calm himself down. The sweet scent fills the place, fresh made doughnuts are drying and cooling on the basket and Aoba takes the already boiling water out of the heat, pours it into a pot and then fills two cups out of five.

"Thank you, Noiz… please take some tea with me until I’m done here?” 

Noiz feels frustrated and played with, but ends up accepting. Usagimodoki keeps on telling about good intentions, good will, preoccupation and affection -- but even with all that, the frustration and bad temper doesn’t go away with just that. Noiz is confused, he doesn't know what to do with all these complex emotions he is not so used to.

He takes a sip of the cup while Aoba cleans up the utensils.

Pain. Sharp.

The cup crashes on Noiz’s feet as he sticks hit burnt tongue out.

“Oh my god, are you alright!?” Aoba exclaims loudly as soon as he sees a pained Noiz.

“Aoba, what’s the matter?” Ren appears almost instantly and recognizes the situation. “I’ll help cleaning up.” then says. They move at the same time, Aoba drags Noiz to the sink to cool down his hands while Ren picks up the ceramic pieces.

It takes just a moment for it to sink in.

“How...” Aoba starts--

“Tongue. I only feel there.” Noiz clarifies, rather pained by talking.

“Ok, ok, stop talking -- Gee, that was scalding... you should have waited--”

Noiz would have clicked his tongue if it wasn’t for obvious reasons, making the unspoken tantrum he throws even thicker that it already was. He is seriously fed up by now.

As soon as Ren finishes cleaning up, he throws the broken pieces into the bin and tells Aoba he’s going to fetch the med kit in order to change the soaked bandages. Noiz notices his sleeves getting wet and starts to roll them up.

"Don't, you'll irritate yourself." Aoba stops him and does it himself, then turns the tap off and without another word, goes to the freezer to fetch an ice cube.

“Open up,” Aoba orders while looking at Noiz mouth and unconsciously gaping a bit himself.

...Noiz taking the ice cube in his mouth is the exact moment Koujaku decides to make an appearance.

-

“Do you need help with any-- _thing_ …?” Koujaku steps into the kitchen, only to see a drenched Noiz being fed an ice cube into the mouth by Aoba. Noiz takes it graciously.

And there is this curious thing about emotions, even if he knows better that to jump to stupid conclusions, certain ideas sting all the same. He’d gladly have an explanation right about now.

Aoba can feel the troublesome atmosphere and can’t help but wonder how _exactly_ is it that he ended up having such emotionally intense and conflictive people as his closest friends.

“He just burnt himself, Koujaku -- And yeah, apparently he can feel with his tongue. Go figure.” Aoba says without thinking twice.

A really disturbing crack is heard from Noiz's mouth right then and his tantrum gets even darker.

Sly is as ready to defend Aoba as Koujaku is to ask questions, but Ren appears just in time and the priority now shifts. Noiz’s wounds have to be treated, but even if he is handling his anger as best as he can, he _really_ doesn't like the idea of Aoba getting any closer.

“Let me handle it.” Koujaku says, offering himself to do the deal. He is fast and precise. Aoba and Ren just watch, making no opinion as Noiz just swirls the ice piece inside his mouth, clicking it against his teeth and piercing all along.

Koujaku didn't like this to be their first meeting, but he's glad he can put himself to good use. He acts cool and relaxed and he finds himself enjoying the the texture of Noiz's hands as well as his docile behavior. He would have liked an opportunity to talk to him privately, but that would have to be another time. For now, he is glad he can at least change his bandages.

Noiz is a little skeptic, but he would be lying if he said he didn't like being taken care like that by him. He wished he could somehow change his reading target to Koujaku - and with that wish in mind, he spends several moments idly thinking about how to program a way to instruct his Allmate with body gestures or something subtler. The ice melts in his mouth and he realizes the cold not only relieved the pain, but having something to play with in his mouth calms him.

It lasts no longer than just a few seconds, but when their eyes meet, so close up together, a strange kind of mood begins to form - it makes them wonder is the other could sense it too. 

-

Mizuki and Clear, already beginning to worry, start to call out on all of them.

“Okay okay, Ren take this, Koujaku this and Noiz this. I’ll be there in a minute. Everyone out.” Aoba orders.

Ren goes upstairs to put away the med kit while Koujaku and Noiz make their appearance at the living room, tray with the pot and empty cups on Koujaku’s hands and the basket of doughnuts, on Noiz’s. The youngest one is very uncomfortable about it.

“NOIZ-SAAN~!” Clear sings as he sees Noiz for the first time in a long one. He hugs him tight.

“I’m so glad you are alive, Noiz! Welcome back!” Mizuki says with a pat on his shoulder. Koujaku almost misses Noiz's quick gaze directed at him, quickly recognizing some of those words as his own, too.

Noiz is left with the cutest tint of red all over his cheeks as he's visibly flustered by all the attention. The attention gets worse and so his desire to get out of it.

“Gee! Give him some space to breathe!” Aoba says as soon as he sees the scene. He really enjoyed to watch Noiz like that, but with the previous mishap, he decides he owes him this much. He shoos everyone away, directing them to the couch. “Could you set everything up? I’ll be right with you.” Aoba asks Ren and as always, he complies with a loving smile.

Everyone complies except for Koujaku and of course Noiz.

“Here, have some more ice if you want. I’ll take that--” Aoba tells Noiz, giving him a cup filled with ice cubes and exchanges it for the doughnut basket that he clearly had no clue what to do with. 

He couldn't even eat right now. Noiz lets out a tired sigh and goes grab a seat at the table, the farthest away from everyone else and takes an ice piece into his mouth. He needs to recharge.

“Uh, wanna come see the Goatbed tour recital with us? It’s about to start.” Aoba tries anyway, even though he knows the probable answer. _So that's why everyone is early._

As expected, Noiz's expression is clear: _Do not disturb me or I’ll destroy you,_ along with another eerie crack.

“Ugh, right. Koujaku, you coming?” he asks instead, making a quick inviting gesture with his head.

“No, I’ll go later.” he answers, taking a seat on the table too, not quite looking back at him. Koujaku doesn’t want to risk catching a playful smile on his best friend’s features now that he decided to rather sit with Noiz for a while.

But none of that happened, Aoba left with a light shrug and Ren turns the volume up as soon as Aoba is seated beside him. The others instantly understand the ‘Do not disturb’ implicit sign and start cheering on the upcoming entertainment instead, leaving the self-excluded, be.

Noiz keeps on looking at Aoba for a short while, _really_ displeased. Everything that he had planned went wrong. His chess play had been completely disrupted.

Koujaku decides to be the first one to talk.

“So what was all that about? Can you seriously feel with your tongue?” Koujaku asks, immediately seeing Noiz getting even angrier. But right then, he relaxes almost completely. Noiz realizes it was useless to hold a grudge.

He doesn’t answer with words, but cracks a piece of ice inside his mouth as he looks back at Koujaku crookedly and bored. Koujaku would have taken that as ‘can’t talk, still hurts’, but then he speaks... changing the subject altogether.

“What happened to you?” Noiz asks as he looks straight at the still-healing brow.

“Ah… it’s a long story.” Koujaku grimaces. He doesn’t know how to explain it, so he makes a pause, searching for the words and taking a bit too long.

Noiz has an idea to make things run quicker.

“I have a gift for you.” Noiz interrupts the thinking, making the oldest man blink twice.

“A... gift?” Koujaku is a little taken aback, but when Noiz hands in front of him a handful of... nothingness… he thinks Noiz found a really strange way to mess with him.

But Noiz is unfazed. Moments later, his brows are formed into a small scowl. “Use it.” he says, signalling at the supposedly empty space. Right then, Koujaku he realizes it... it was not empty space what was in front of him, but an odd distortion in a cubical shape. _Of course_ , he had forgotten completely. He feels a little awkward, but taunts over the cloaked Allmate and grabs it, feeling another tiny item alongside with it.

“I see you made invisible the earplug too… good thinking.” Koujaku praises. The memories shared with stealth mode active, slowly pour back to him… and now with everything that happened, all the anger and confusion subtly transforms into a stream of strange calm and far away memories. It felt like an eternity ago.

Noiz smiles the tiniest bit at the praise and Koujaku exhales comfortably, showing a small smile of his own. He then puts the earplug on as soon as he deciphers it's form and shudders at the feeling of Noiz’s eyes that don’t leave him for a second.

<<P! Thank you! Please take care of me! P!!>>

Koujaku doesn’t know exactly what kind of face he made as soon as he heard that, but it made Noiz half smile amusedly.

<<Default target: Noiz! Proceed?>>

“...Yes.” Koujaku speaks lowly, quickly checking if the rest of the group was still not paying any attention to them. Aoba and Clear were singing along while Ren and Mizuki just enjoyed themselves. Koujaku massages his temples for a bit as the high pitched voice in his ear goes about some warnings. _Is this really a gift? Beni is gonna be so mad._ He sighs as he watches his Allmate already quarreling with the _visible_ Usagimodoki beside the TV that the rest of the group were cheerfully watching.

“Yeah,” he continues, agreeing to all the default settings Noiz had settled.

“So what happened to you?” Noiz gets back at the question right after it's finally done.

“ _Guess there is no escape now, huh..._ ” Koujaku mutters to himself. He has to admit, he likes how Noiz is now playing fair -- he knows very well he is being read as well. Problem is, he can't possibly even think about averting the subject now.

<<P! Anticipation, impatience. Noiz is growingly curious!>>

“Y-yeah I think I can see that...” Koujaku says with a weak grimace.

<<Adding known recognition to database! p, p, P! Disable database upload notifications?>>

“Yes please, I can’t think.”

<<Roger!>>

“So?” Noiz prompts.

“The upgrades are neat… I suppose.” Koujaku says, scratching the back of his head.

Noiz is not amused by the praise this time.

“Ok ok, I’ll tell you. _Sigh_. Uh, well - long story short...” Koujaku begins, trying to ignore Noiz piercing lime eyes, glistening like all of his metal beads. “when I was trying to find you, I traced your stupid bunny band-- Uh.” Koujaku stops as soon as he says that, fearing an insult getting back to him… but nothing came, so he continues, “Anyway, they weren’t pleased when I mentioned I was looking for you - so this is what I got in return.” Koujaku rounds it up as he signals his own wound.

Noiz eyes are completely widened. “You contacted Ruff Rabbit?”

“Yeah… as you can see, they told me nothing, but took it as a personal offence to even ask. _Tche. Dickheads…_ -” Koujaku says and immediately bites on his tongue, he just insulted his band again.

They don’t need an Allmate to tell what was happening. Koujaku is nervous and Noiz for some reason wasn’t mad at all.

<<P! Noiz feels very confused about the information received! He is evaluating what to believe. P. His heartbeat increases irregularly, signs of mixed emotions!>>

“I haven’t contacted Ruff Rabbit since Rhyme was taken down.” Noiz says.

“Huh? That was over a year ago…” Koujaku replies, taken aback.

“...exactly.”

They share a bit of silence. Noiz picks another ice cube and puts it in his mouth. Koujaku is beginning to think he does not longer do it for his burnt tongue, but just for the sake of it... and indeed, the readings confirm it. The oldest man doesn't know what to say, so he limits himself to observe the younger immersed in deep thought - his arms rest on top of the table, his sleeves are still rolled up and his slender fingers absently play with the melting ice cubes in front of him. His eyes are fixed in concentration.

"I suppose I should contact them," Noiz speaks to himself more than anyone else. _  
_

_He's really changed._ Koujaku thinks, not without noting how young he still is for the maturity he is showing. But at that moment, as Koujaku keeps looking at his sharp features and piercings that contrast with his strawberry blond hair and porcelain skin, his feelings threaten to change and that is something he wants to avoid at all expense.

“Damn. Well… guess you won’t mind I hospitalized two of them, then? ...Sorry.” Koujaku says, attempting to change and lighten up the mood while throwing in a little bit more of information in the process.

It works. Noiz can’t keep a straight face for too long, a rebel grin graces his lips as he laughs a bit. He can't help but find it amusing how his band could only manage to barely scratch him while he took all down. But to sum up, what Koujaku doesn't know, is that he is also amused by the hidden feeling of arousal Usagimodoki caught before he spoke.

“Heh. Guess I didn’t pick up the stronger ones, huh?” he says in a light and playful tone.

And that, his tender laugh, was what actually made the previously oblivious group of people watching the recital, look back at them. Specifically at a happy Noiz.

“What are you looking at?” Koujaku reprimands, Noiz had returned to his usual pissed-off self and Koujaku wasn’t pleased by that. But then he notices something-- “Hey!! Did you eat _all_ of them?” he asks after catching sight of an empty doughnut basket.

“Food and tea only for Goatbed fans -- Bleh!” Aoba says, sticking his tongue out. “Now shut up, Hippo. Best song is coming.”

Koujaku smiles painfully. Teeth gritted.

_“That little--”_

<<P!! Noiz feels jealousy! Conflict with own emotions, P! Body language indicating preparations to take his leave!!>>

“Are you leaving?” Koujaku asks then, realizing too late that Usagimodoki was surely already picking up on his disappointment.

Noiz stands up and moments later, his eyes warm up. “Yeah.” he says simply, but he made enough noise with the chair for the rest of the people notice him prepared to go.

“Noo~~! you leaving already?” Aoba whines as well as Clear and Mizuki complain about not being able to talk to him properly after all the time they hadn’t seen him. Noiz feels strange with all the eyes on him again. Usually nobody is disturbed when he comes and goes, but now they are all too attentive and sensitive towards his presence. It makes him wince. He sends Aoba a murderous gaze, he is _really_ pissing him off - he is still furious at him for messing with him, ruining his plans and making everything more difficult. He understands his place better in this group, but that doesn't mean he is comfortable with it just like that.

"Yes. I'm leaving." he says rather robotically. “ _Fuck this shit._ ” he sputters under his breath, then.

Koujaku laughs a bit at that, amused by the little show of embarrassment. But he'll soon regret it.

Noiz piercing eyes are on him now and an unmistakable glint reveal mischievousness, revenge and regained shamelessness. “Later... Koujaku.” Noiz says, not breaking eye contact while leaning close… and if it was the most natural thing to do, kisses Koujaku on the mouth.

The music still plays but nobody is paying attention to it anymore.

Koujaku is completely blank.

Noiz smiles to himself. “...What?” he says, straightening up and looking at Aoba with a mockingly bored expression. “It’s not weird -- I kissed Aoba like this too.”

Multiple menacing glares get thrown directly on Aoba, crushing him like they were stones.

“H-he means at Heibon!” Aoba stutters, helplessly making it worse all the while having to endure Sly laughter in the back of his head. The very eerie aura coming from Koujaku’s way makes him shudder. “B-Back then before Oval Tower! Remember, Ren? Shit Noiz, you bastard!” Aoba exclaims as he then proceeds to comforts his very pale boyfriend.

“Just saying.” Noiz says with a sadistic smile before taking his exit, closing the door behind him with a dry thud.

Ren is somber but collected.

Koujaku not so much...

...he bites on the severed piece of ice, making it crack and click inside his mouth.

-_-_-_-_-


	13. Excitement and fear

 _-_-_-_-_

Koujaku decides to leave no long after, thinking that now more than ever it suited him some time alone. On his mind there was no concern about some old Heibon kiss that Aoba was so hellbent to explain — Koujaku can easily picture the brat doing just that without any real meaning to it… but rather, he was concerned about another kiss, one that had left him with a melting piece of ice inside his mouth, making him drink it.

_Was it just meant to screw Aoba?_

“It’s alright, I understand.” Koujaku says for the third time, trying to dismiss the subject, but Aoba keeps on and on, clearly not convinced. Koujaku keeps his mind distant all the same until his best friend finally gives up. Koujaku is thankful.

"Sorry guys. Beni, we are leaving, sleep mode.” he says and the Allmate unquestioningly obeys. Aoba pouts and eyes him suspiciously, it is not normal for him to set Beni on sleep mode before leaving. 

“I told you, it’s ok. I have some things to do at home.” Koujaku insists, unconsciously pressing the earplug closer to his eardrum. Aoba still pouts, but ultimately lets him be.

“Alright, but both Noiz and you are missing out on the pizza we ordered -- You are paying next time for ditching us!”

“Ok, but next time don’t eat all the doughnuts, fatty.”

“W-wha? Ren! Am I getting fat!?”

-

After saying the appropriate goodbyes, Koujaku is on the street. It’s still afternoon but dawn approaches - the sun at such hour looks warmer in color but feels colder in temperature. The houses and buildings are bathed in orange and every little ray that reaches his skin is comforting, warming him just enough.

The readings seem pretty random by now, but Koujaku knows Noiz must be in the near proximity if he's able to still hear him. 

He is a few blocks away from home, the sun still shines and the scattered clouds start to make a canvas out of the sky. Koujaku inhales a deep breath as he looks at it - distant slim clouds move at moderate speed, being consistently colored by intense sunset tones. His long hair is gently blown by the wind, caressing his face, his scar.

He scowls, he can still hear Noiz’s different emotions. What a persistent weirdo.

“Ok, you can show yourself now.” Koujaku speaks out loud, glancing around. But except for a few curious looks, there is no answer or sight of a blond.

“Where is he...” he mutters to himself, but Usagimodoki takes the question for itself.

<<P! Noiz is at home!>>

“W-what?” He lives nearby?” Koujaku asks, taken aback.

<< 27.7 blocks away, P!>>

“Ugh...” Koujaku massages his temples. The brat had lied to him, there was no such thing as proximity restrictions. _Or maybe..._

“Is that an upgrade? To read him without distance restrictions?” Koujaku asks then, hoping that was the case.

<<P! Implementation complete 38.6 days ago! Minor upgrades 3.3 days ago!>>

Koujaku lets his shoulders drop in defeat with a light eyeroll. _Of course._

He continues to walk until he arrives home, but instead of coming in, he stays on his porch for a little while. He bites at his lip at the realization that he actually wanted to see the bastard alone. The sun starts to set behind the residential houses; everything is tranquil and quiet, giving a false perception of security in a still problematic district. Safety was not a concern for a person like Koujaku, but it was for the neighbors that were already home and locking locks.

“Such a pity to miss a sunset like this...” he mutters to himself as he lights on a cigarette. He starts wondering again. _What was that kiss all about? Was it really just to mess with Aoba? Mess with me?_ He can’t really understand what’s going on on Noiz’s mind, with or without Stealth Mode. If anything, hearing the readings confused him even further

... _but at least brings me closer to what kind of person he really is._

Koujaku lets a hot puff of smoke away from his lungs as if trying to push away complicated thoughts the same way. In reality, he knows so little.

After a loud sigh, he enters home and puts some water to boil in order to make some tea. 

“Ok, come back,” Koujaku says to Usagimodoki after a while. Koujaku thinks it should take some time for it to arrive. 

But the situation is a little different from what he had pictured.

<<P?>> the high pitched voice is confused, Usagimodoki doesn’t understand the instruction so it climbs Koujaku’s arm, it’s light weight sufficient to make him realize it was right there. The distortion apparent.

“Whoa so you are right here!? How can you be reading Noiz if—?” Koujaku interrupts himself, the answer is obvious.

<<Usagimodoki are all connected!! Upgrade implemented 3.4 days ago! P!>>

“Right...”

There is quite a bunch of things the brat didn't tell him.

He feels kind of an idiot.

“Ok, I need some rest from this. Stealth Mode off.” he says, and as he watches the AllMate spin, what lies in front of his eyes makes them widen up. He stares in disbelief, it takes a moment to process. All of a sudden, the little Allmate didn't seem to stand out from everything else in his possession. Koujaku grips his own mouth. Usagimodoki is not green.

“So you are really a gift, huh?” he speaks in a surrendered tone through between his fingers to a little _red_ bunny cube. 

“P, p! I am! Please take care of me!” it chants as it does some flips over the table in front of his new owner. 

Koujaku pours some tea and takes a solemn sip. “Well, I can't just abandon you, can I?" Koujaku says warming up at his new Allmate. But then he sighs, he can already predict a hard adjustment for Beni, he already had a hard time when he had Usagimodoki temporarily.

Heck, not to mention that this is a direct connection with Noiz.

An odd chill runs through his spine, _this brat..._

"Ok, do me a favor and brief me everything you can really do for me.” Koujaku instructs.

“Roger! Setting up a list for display! P!”

And the list is endless.

_-_-_

A light pling! and a happy cube alerts Noiz that Koujaku just discovered some of the features to exploit from the gifted device.

 _That was fast._ Noiz muses to himself as he smiles internally. Outside, he shows nothing. He is shirtless, sitting at the floor against the edge of his bed, typing on two separate virtual keyboards that if one didn’t pay enough close attention, it seemed to be being used simultaneously to type completely separate things. 

A screen had shown up on the side but he didn't look at it immediately, instead, he continued minding his business — he was in the middle of discussing several matters with old Ruff Rabbit and had quickly found some interesting business opportunities to take advantage of along with the strangely loyal individuals. 

After a few moments of doing so, very interesting readings come across his eardrum. It starts to become hard to hide the devilish smile that was threatening to show up.

The business matter is resolved quickly enough, so he starts to close up the screens one by one after a quick review. After he's done, he stretches his muscles, tensing and relaxing them in all the right ways. Or at least that's what Koujaku's readings suggest.

“Enjoying the view?” Noiz says, suddenly locking eyes with the man on the other side of the screen.

A loud cough and the sound of something spilling.

“What the fuck!? You can see me?” Koujaku says in a loud tone, disbelieving.

“I can also hear you.” Noiz says, feigning boredom, but his amused smirk is nowhere near to make it seem that that's the case.

“That’s--!!” Koujaku starts to raise his voice, but he is interrupted.

“Invasion of privacy?” Noiz completes the sentence, raising a brow. Even if those weren’t the exact words he was gonna use, Koujaku immediately knows what the brat meant. It was not exactly a polite thing to do to be watching Noiz with the real intention of him not knowing. They were equally guilty.

Koujaku clears his throat, light blush gracing his features; he was just caught red handed and would have very likely continued to watch him for another while if he wasn't so. He was hypnotized.

“How long... have you been watching _me_?” Koujaku asks, a weird uncomfortable knot starts to form at the pit of the stomach at the idea of having been observed for an indefinite period of time.

“Actually, just now. I settled it to activate videofeed whenever you activated it.” Noiz answers.

Koujaku eyes him suspiciously, not really believing his words. 

“ _Tch_ , don’t flatter yourself,” Noiz says in response to Koujaku's lack of trust. He wields a scowl and jaw somewhat tight. In reality, it's not as if Noiz didn't _want_ to, but he actually _couldn't_. But that's not something that Koujaku needed to know right then. "You are not that interesting." he adds, almost without thinking.

Any other moment, Koujaku would have fell for it, thinking the brat was being smug and overconfident - but now, well, the readings told otherwise. Anyhow, if he was really going to be thorough about all this, he can’t even _really_ know if all the readings are fabrications just to deceive him.

Now Noiz really stretches in order to activate his muscles and be able to get up. “You are overthinking it.” he speaks while on the act, making him drag his words somewhat hoarsely. “ _Sigh_. Stop being so fucking suspicious," he complains and then decides it would be convenient to just spill the beans, "I couldn’t have spied on you even if I wanted to.”

Koujaku raises a brow. "...Why?" he asks. Noiz sits at the edge of his bed just to fall onto the mattress. The Allmate that is recording makes sure to get all of Noiz’s frame. Koujaku watches as Noiz's chest rises and then falls with a long exhale.

“Aoba scrapped me and made me promise I wouldn't get anything from you unless it’s straightforward." he confesses, "You can go ask him.”

Koujaku doesn’t know how to feel about this. Wasn’t it unfair for Aoba to do that? Is he happy about it anyway? Did Noiz really try to get to know more about him behind his back? and if so, why? Does he want Noiz to know? That and many more, made Koujaku scowl and shake his head, eyes close.

Noiz keeps silent too, and that was the recipe to create mayhem on their ears. The readings start to quarrel against each other again - without them speaking, they just react to each other, quickly driving them to a familiar situation that is nothing but plain maddening and frustrating.

"This is useless," Noiz says and proceeds to mute Usagimodoki and take off his earplug. Koujaku does the same.

It was the healthiest thing they could have done.

But then Koujaku hesitates - the quality and position of the image makes him feel as if he was right there with him, at the same room, looking at him from above.

“Could you… put a shirt on, please?” he says as he massages his forehead, facing away but still looking askance at him. Noiz wields the smile that never fails to prick on some of Koujaku’s nerves.

“Why, we are both guys.” he teases, raising his arms in order to use his hands as a pillow. His biceps flex, but he also exposes his armpits that are gently covered with almost microscopic blond hair.

Koujaku uses all his might to ignore the obvious tease. _Been there, done that_ , he doesn’t want to fuel it -- besides, something else had caught his attention.

“What are you staring at?" Noiz insists with the mocking tone, even if the matching smile was slowly starting to fade - his lack of reaction is abnormal. "Do you have an armpit fetish, weird Old Man?” he persists, compelled to provoke him. He wants to get into a fight, he missed that so much.

“ _Tche_.” Koujaku lets out a dismissive sound and that’s the only sign of complaint he gets. “It's not that... It’s just that your hair is so thin, almost non existent.” he says, also watching the faint happy trail just covering a small path below his bellybutton. Koujaku can't help but think that even if the rest of his body spoke otherwise,“...It’s-- quite feminine.”

Koujaku's tone reveals that it's nothing that speaks of it being a bad or humiliating thing at all. It was actually a sort of compliment.

Shock lands upon Noiz.

“... what is wrong with you...?”

The blond slowly incorporates and sits on the bed, his words the first random thing that came to mind. Even if he changed position, he was unable to hide his flushed face.  _What the hell was that_ , he thinks to himself as he goes get the earplug in a robotic manner. But he doesn't put it on.

He _can't_.

Noiz’s face gets redder as he curses under his breath.

“Disconnect all communication.” he says, and the video closes up. “ _The fuck_.”

_-_-_

“That was so cute.” Koujaku laughs softly to himself. He couldn't predict he was going to react that way in a thousand years.

He takes a moment to muse over what an extraordinary person Noiz can be... someone that hides everything but at the same time is willing to let everything out if given a comfortable space. He can’t quite get him, but at the same time, he wants nothing but. He reminisces his enigmatic stare that appears to give nothing, but actually… he bets there will be a time he won’t need stealth mode anymore.

Koujaku’s heartbeat seems to accelerate for a reason he can’t quite put his finger on. Thinking long-term is… _problematic,_ he concludes as he massages his temples, a habit that seemed to be growing over time.

It’s already dark, so he turns some lights on. His stomach grumbles and realizes he didn’t eat since this morning, so he decides to have an early dinner. Pushing the thoughts away, he goes to the kitchen and starts to set up the space for cooking a fresh meal. After chopping some veggies and blending a floury mixture, he starts on the fire to heat some oil.

“Hey,”

Koujaku almost jumps and uses the frying pan as a weapon from the startle.

“Jesus Christ! Don't do that!" Koujaku says at the screen behind him. He is able to feel a person's physical presence, but not a virtual one. "I thought you told me you couldn’t go behind my back...” Koujaku says as he then thanks the gods that he hadn't poured the oil to boil yet.

“I can’t. That’s why you are seeing me now.” Noiz says, matter-of-factly. "It should be obvious." he mutters.

Koujaku side glances at him and Noiz just stares back as usual. Koujaku has to admit that it's pretty amazing how quickly he can recover from what was an embarrassing situation for him.  _Well, at least now he has a shirt on._

“Are you using stealth mode?” Koujaku asks then, as he throws some ingredients into a bowl to mix.

“ _Can't_ , remember? I can’t do anything that you don’t reciprocate... you are so dense.” Noiz says rolling his eyes, he is not really mad, but a little annoyed by now.

“You weren't clear enough, okay?” Koujaku says, ignoring the counterpart's grunt.

"Would you turn it on?"Noiz says, referring to Stealth mode.

Koujaku takes a moment to ponder about it, finding the situation interesting. If they are really stuck in a situation like this, he might as well make the best of it.

“I think we are better off without stealth mode for now.” he says, much to Noiz’s frustration.

“Whatever.” he says, looking to the side just as Koujaku looks back at him from behind his shoulder. Giving him the back again, Koujaku smiles warmly to himself as he proceeds to throw the mixture into the frying pan and breathing in the appetizing scent of homemade cuisine.

The pan hisses loudly and Noiz returns to watch him fixedly, not losing sight of any single detail. Completely mute. A single drop of cold sweat travels down Koujaku’s nape at the constant staring... but it’s not entirely unpleasant.

A virtual pling sounds from Noiz's side.

“Be right back.” the blond says and disappears for a moment. Koujaku exhales in relief, thankful for the brief break as he then sets his food in a dish and brings it to the dining table. Usagimodoki follows.

Noiz returns with a pizzabox and places it on his own table.

It’s as if they were sitting one in front of the other.

“Just in time.” Koujaku says cheerfully as he lifts his chopsticks. Noiz doesn’t say anything as he makes himself comfortable - he rests his left arm over the edge of the chair, and uses his knee to rest his right elbow on. Noiz unceremoniously takes a portion of pizza.

“So what’s that?” Noiz asks as he chews and stares at Koujaku’s plate.

“What’s what? My meal?”

Noiz nods.

“It’s just a quick tempura recipe... do you really not know this dish?”

“...No.”

Koujaku scowls at him, “So what do you usually-…wait, please don’t tell me pizza is the only thing you eat.”

“I also eat pasta.” Noiz says with a shrug.

Koujaku looks at him with a mix of shock and utter disapproval. “You can’t be serious.”

He _is_ serious.

Koujaku pinches together the space between his brows. “How do you even survive...”

“Guess I’m tough.” he says casually and then opens up his mouth to let a string of hot cheese fall into it.

There is still disapproval written all over Koujaku’s face. Noiz doesn’t meet his gaze as he absently continues to chew, still casual as ever.

“You should eat proper meals all the same…” Koujaku says, knowing perfectly well the brat won’t be doing such a thing on his own anyway. " _Sigh_. Let me trait you sometime.” 

Noiz coughs the slightest bit and then swallows. “Are you offering to cook for me, Old man?” he asks.

" _Tsk_... we can also eat out, you know."

Noiz stares at him. "...as in a _date?"_

Koujaku coughs all the way.

Maybe not setting stealth mode when he had the chance had been a bad idea after all.

"Would you stop messing around with me, already?" Koujaku says, diligently putting his chopsticks on the side to take a sip of tea. 

Noiz’s demeanor shifts slightly. “I'm not.” 

They continue to eat in silence and there is no sign for Koujaku to think that Noiz was not serious about it. He feels his face heat up a bit, he could trait him anytime, even cook for him... he would rather even like that... But labeling it as a date made it sound so... well, _scary_.

"Is that what you want?" Koujaku finally asks, swallowing up on his complicated emotions.

"You were the one who asked me out, Old man."

" _I didn't_ \-- Ah... sure, whatever, so do you or not, Beansprout?” he asks with a scowl.

Koujaku bites the inside of his cheek in impatience after a moment of complete non-reaction. An eternity later, Noiz answers.

“...sure.” he says and looks to the side. A strange kind of exhale leaves his nostrils.

They finish up without another word. Their bellies are full and they still virtually sit one in front of the other. Noiz doesn't know much about real dates, since he never been in one, but for what he read, this situation reeks of one. What defines a date... do some bullshit like eating together, develop some sexual tension... get to _know_ each other.

Noiz looks so deep in thought, Koujaku doesn't interrupt him. But his curiosity was starting to get the better of him. Koujaku started to feel as if he was suffering a kind of stealth mode withdrawal. Even if it couldn't read minds, he wanted the readings all the same.

“I want stealth mode back on.” Noiz says, as if saying the words for him.

"Yeah, let's do it." Koujaku says almost immediately. With that, they put the earplug on. The high pitched voice doesn't say anything that they weren't suspecting already, but it gave them a sense of having more control that was greatly appreciated. More and more, Usagimodoki has less and less to say... inadvertently learning to be in synch. 

But as Noiz goes about in his head how to proceed, the mood quickly starts to turn darker. He decides to ask what he wants to know once and for all.

"Koujaku..." Noiz speaks his name with hypnotizing intensity. Koujaku unconsciously clenches his fists. 

"Tell me about your tattoos."

The older man feels as if a huge weight had landed upon his chest.

“You wouldn't want to hear about it.” he replies as if the words were dragged out from his system with great grief.

“Try me.” Noiz says in a stern voice filled with determination. But even if Koujaku appreciated that, he still hesitates. He feels out of his element and it shows. Within Noiz flourishes a new kind of emotion he doesn't remember experiencing in a really long time. Worry.

But Noiz hates dead ends. He hates dead ends and new emotions. He has to try something else, even if he has to put himself in an inconvenient situation. He starts to fidget in the place, something very unlike himself.

“Hey..." Noiz calls, making the other man look up. "Say, wouldn't you want to know more about me?" he asks, visibly uncomfortable with his own question.

Koujaku blinks twice, momentarily tearing himself out of his inner struggle. “Yeah, I would want that.” he answers sincerely.

Noiz half-smiles. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” he offers.

Koujaku grimaces at what an incredibly tasteless phrase it would have been in some other context... but seeing Noiz being nervous just as he is, it guiltily calms him down.

A bitter smile is the first sign that tells Noiz that the older man is willing to accept the deal. Expectation is written all over the younger man's face and readings. He is waiting for his previous question to be answered.

"Ok, wait... even if I agree to it, it's is something that should be done in person, Noiz.” Koujaku says, feeling uncomfortable to reveal fragments of himself through a video call.

Noiz stares right through. 

“It can’t be helped, then.” he says, and without any warning, he is already standing up and on the move.

“Wait. Where are you going?” Koujaku asks, instinctively standing up to, only to realize that it was a pointless action.

Noiz looks back at him knowingly from behind his shoulder and after a seemingly random gesture of his hand, the connection shuts off.

…

Koujaku lets himself fall onto the chair again.

“He is coming, isn’t he?”

“P!! Noiz is coming!! Noiz is coming!!” the red Usagimodoki answers immediately. It was actually meant to be rhetorical, but the bunny had answered anyway. Cheered, actually.

His head falls to rest atop his hands. _What a mess._

Koujaku retraces the whole ordeal step by step, everything that happened that day. That _single_ day. He could swear he could fit all that happened inside the lapse of months, and would feel the exact same.

He could easily blame it all to Noiz’s lack of moderation... but truth is, stealth mode readings would have sped things up like hell even if the brat  _did_ have some reservation

\--And to be completely sincere here, he had played his part too for it to become this way. 

Koujaku brushes down his face with his palms, stretching down his skin in frustration.

It’s still somewhat early, but Koujaku feels exhausted. He feels old. Everything is so fucking extreme with this brat.

“Aah... guess I’ll prepare some coffee.” Koujaku says with a defeated grimace.

“P! Coffee, coffee!!”

“Heh, you are an impressionable one, huh.” he says as he pokes the cube on the side, making it bounce once. There is no real way to pet it. “Anyway, put stealth mode back on… only audio.” Koujaku says, specifying just in case. "And don't notify him. _I'm_ your owner now."

<<Roger!!>>

And after a moment, what he hears makes him laugh bitterly.

  
_< <Excitement and fear.>>_

 -_-_-_-_-


End file.
